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I grew up playing hockey and it’s been nice to have such a nostalgic workout regimen. Definitely less risk of shoulder injury with how lower-body focused it is. If you do get into it, make sure to always wear wrist guards at the very least. I started off 2023 with a broken wrist and had to use a split keyboard for months because I couldn’t turn my wrist. Pretty rough as a programmer lol.
I’ve been in a similar position and I’m in my early 40s now. The best advice I can give is live out of spite. The reality is that your job, sexual endeavors, and achievements are ultimately meaningless. So much of it is just material things we can’t take with us. So much of this is requires gradual, iterative change.
The cycle continues. All of it starts with you though. The earth is a beautiful place even if humans are endlessly petty, materialistic, and self-centered. Even if you spent your day walking around your city, that’s a step in the right direction.
I know you didn’t ask for advice and I understand. That’s why I’m trying to put thoughts here that are not comprised of the same old 2-dimensional feedback you might receive off the cuff in your lifetime. Life is hard. It just is. I was laid off for 3 months and that was miserable. I lived with my family into my early 30s because I was a struggling graphic artist in a shitty town where pay was scarce.
But the things that pulled me out were:
Life can suck for a long time, so you have to find the bright spots. Even if it’s something like “I saw a cool bird today.” You need those little jump off points to spark interest.
I still struggle constantly, but I always try to remind myself that life isn’t a race and at the end of the day, so much of the shit we’re expected to care about is just meaningless. That’s not a bad thing. It can be freeing. Breaking the cycle of depression is tough and can become an endless circle. The only one that can break it is you and you alone. When it comes to your own life, you are the one part that truly matters. The rest follows with time.