Like, why am I here?

For over 15 years now I feel like my life has lost any direction, and this years things had gotten only worse. I could get used to have zero friends and social life, and accepted the fact that I’ll remain eternally invisible to women, call it incel behaviour idgaf, I know women don’t want weak people like me, but that’s me, I won’t change, that’s my nature, my soul… Hell I realised that I couldn’t ever leave my mom’s home because I know I couldn’t live alone…

But now also being unemployed for almost a year now, after leaving my abusive, underpaid job full of bullies and tyrannic boss. Why my life had to end like this? I’m not a good person, I’m aware but I’ve seen awful people with money, women, married and kids, car, with their own house… And I can’t get a single thing? If I going to suffer like this until I get old and truly completely alone and homeless I’m better dying of a heart attack now.

Please, don’t give me advice (oh you need to fight, you make your own life worth it, self fulfilling prophecy) I’ve heard all that before and it won’t help me. I just needed to get this thing out of me, my “real” life is over.

And please don’t try to be a bully here. My comment is about my life, it shouldn’t bother you in any way.

  • orca@orcas.enjoying.yachtsEnglish
    41·
    1 month ago

    I’ve been in a similar position and I’m in my early 40s now. The best advice I can give is live out of spite. The reality is that your job, sexual endeavors, and achievements are ultimately meaningless. So much of it is just material things we can’t take with us. So much of this is requires gradual, iterative change.

    • Working out makes you feel mentally better
    • Which can lead to being noticed more
    • Which can lead to increased confidence

    The cycle continues. All of it starts with you though. The earth is a beautiful place even if humans are endlessly petty, materialistic, and self-centered. Even if you spent your day walking around your city, that’s a step in the right direction.

    I know you didn’t ask for advice and I understand. That’s why I’m trying to put thoughts here that are not comprised of the same old 2-dimensional feedback you might receive off the cuff in your lifetime. Life is hard. It just is. I was laid off for 3 months and that was miserable. I lived with my family into my early 30s because I was a struggling graphic artist in a shitty town where pay was scarce.

    But the things that pulled me out were:

    • Spending my nights teaching myself how to code (can be done on even the cheapest of laptops)
    • Forcing myself to not give a shit about what others were doing
    • Forcing myself to get outdoors and remember that the world is vast and we’re all derived from space dust

    Life can suck for a long time, so you have to find the bright spots. Even if it’s something like “I saw a cool bird today.” You need those little jump off points to spark interest.

    I still struggle constantly, but I always try to remind myself that life isn’t a race and at the end of the day, so much of the shit we’re expected to care about is just meaningless. That’s not a bad thing. It can be freeing. Breaking the cycle of depression is tough and can become an endless circle. The only one that can break it is you and you alone. When it comes to your own life, you are the one part that truly matters. The rest follows with time.

    • Kimdracula@sh.itjust.worksOPEnglish
      13·
      1 month ago

      But I am materialistic. I want a lot of things. But I don’t have the drive or talent to get those things. I wish I was born rich. And I’ve never cared about my look. I’ve done work out before, I’m not doing it again. If I’ve seen people that are ugly and overweight with attractive women and kids, then that means your look is worth nothing.

      • Thorny_Insight@lemm.eeEnglish
        3·
        1 month ago

        Imagine how the rich and miserable feel when there’s no longer even the fantasy of becoming rich and buying all the things they dream of. Life is inherently unsatisfactory. I too used to tell myself a story about how I’ll just need a girlfriend, a house, a nice pickup truck and few years worth of savings and then I’ll be happy.

        Now I have all those things and I’m still unhappy.

        “When I was 20 all I wanted was a million bucks. Now I have a million bucks and all I want is to be 20 again”

              • Thorny_Insight@lemm.eeEnglish
                21·
                1 month ago

                What even is the point of this thread? It’s like not eating and then complaining about being hungry. Your life is exactly what is to be expected based on the effort you put into it.

                One day your mom will die and then you’re all alone because your cynicism and self-pity has pushed everyone away from you. You can blame the universe for it all you want but the truth is that it’s the life you designed. Things wont get any better unless you decide to start making them so.