Like, why am I here?

For over 15 years now I feel like my life has lost any direction, and this years things had gotten only worse. I could get used to have zero friends and social life, and accepted the fact that I’ll remain eternally invisible to women, call it incel behaviour idgaf, I know women don’t want weak people like me, but that’s me, I won’t change, that’s my nature, my soul… Hell I realised that I couldn’t ever leave my mom’s home because I know I couldn’t live alone…

But now also being unemployed for almost a year now, after leaving my abusive, underpaid job full of bullies and tyrannic boss. Why my life had to end like this? I’m not a good person, I’m aware but I’ve seen awful people with money, women, married and kids, car, with their own house… And I can’t get a single thing? If I going to suffer like this until I get old and truly completely alone and homeless I’m better dying of a heart attack now.

Please, don’t give me advice (oh you need to fight, you make your own life worth it, self fulfilling prophecy) I’ve heard all that before and it won’t help me. I just needed to get this thing out of me, my “real” life is over.

And please don’t try to be a bully here. My comment is about my life, it shouldn’t bother you in any way.

  • Kimdracula@sh.itjust.worksOPEnglish
    13·
    3 months ago

    But I am materialistic. I want a lot of things. But I don’t have the drive or talent to get those things. I wish I was born rich. And I’ve never cared about my look. I’ve done work out before, I’m not doing it again. If I’ve seen people that are ugly and overweight with attractive women and kids, then that means your look is worth nothing.

    • Thorny_Insight@lemm.eeEnglish
      3·
      3 months ago

      Imagine how the rich and miserable feel when there’s no longer even the fantasy of becoming rich and buying all the things they dream of. Life is inherently unsatisfactory. I too used to tell myself a story about how I’ll just need a girlfriend, a house, a nice pickup truck and few years worth of savings and then I’ll be happy.

      Now I have all those things and I’m still unhappy.

      “When I was 20 all I wanted was a million bucks. Now I have a million bucks and all I want is to be 20 again”

            • Thorny_Insight@lemm.eeEnglish
              21·
              3 months ago

              What even is the point of this thread? It’s like not eating and then complaining about being hungry. Your life is exactly what is to be expected based on the effort you put into it.

              One day your mom will die and then you’re all alone because your cynicism and self-pity has pushed everyone away from you. You can blame the universe for it all you want but the truth is that it’s the life you designed. Things wont get any better unless you decide to start making them so.