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nocturne to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 4 months ago

Rising Conservative Star Just Guy Wearing Nazi Armband And Crying

theonion.com

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Rising Conservative Star Just Guy Wearing Nazi Armband And Crying

theonion.com

nocturne to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 4 months ago
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AUSTIN, TX—A star who has experienced a meteoric rise in right-wing circles, 28-year-old conservative phenom Mason Finley is known solely for wearing a Nazi armband and crying, sources confirmed Tuesday. “Finley amassed millions of conservative viewers on his Discord channel, where the up-and-coming young GOP figure uploaded videos in which he is seen sobbing alone in a room as he sits with a swastika strapped to his arm,” said Republican strategist Gary Woodfall, claiming that despite being virtually unknown even a few months ago, the teary-eyed young man who wears Nazi memorabilia has already appeared at CPAC as well as Turning Point USA summits. “Something about the way he never stops crying and openly identifies as a Nazi has really struck a chord with the GOP rank and file. They see a lot of themselves in Finley when he blubbers and gives his weak little ‘Sieg heil’ salutes.” At press time, Finley’s popularity within the Republican Party had reportedly reached a fever pitch after he was seen bawling his eyes out and getting an SS symbol tattooed on his neck.
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  • Goose@lemmy.world
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    4 months ago

    I thought the onion was a parody news source?

    • aeronmelon@lemmy.world
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      It is, the problem is reality is now also parody.

      • Majorllama@lemmy.worldBanned
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        4 months ago

        Hey idk why but I can’t respond to your DM. Thanks for the heads up. I still don’t know where to see that information or why I can’t respond to you.

  • DarkCloud@lemmy.world
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    4 months ago

    How come The Onion is never on Reddit’s front page?

    • SinningStromgald@lemmy.world
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      Because reddit is just a bunch of bots in a trenchcoat.

    • henfredemars@infosec.pub
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      4 months ago

      Because Reddit would unironically support that man if it were financially beneficial to do so.

    • theunknownmuncher@lemmy.world
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      4 months ago

      Wait really? Its been so long since I’ve been on reddit. If this is true, then it is truly a dying husk

  • Cyrus Draegur@lemm.ee
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    4 months ago

    The fascist cries out in pain as he strikes you, and also claims that that’s actually what his victims are doing.

    • seahorse [Ohio]@midwest.socialM
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      4 months ago

      “Look what you made me do! I’m actually the victim here!”

      • Cyrus Draegur@lemm.ee
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        4 months ago

        “I JUST WANTED TO BE LEFT THE FUCK ALONE” *REFUSES to leave anyone else the fuck alone*

  • MonkderVierte@lemmy.ml
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    4 months ago

    Oh, didn’t realize it was theonion.

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