They follow you everywhere and will mysteriously appear whenever you’re sure you’ve shaken them. If they die while in your care then you turn into that animal.

The hen’s poop contains all the normal pathogens and smells, it also enjoys shoulder rides and isn’t afraid to peck you. The snake will eat things it cannot digest if you don’t stop it and will occasionally try to eat things it cannot even swallow.

The hen enjoys talking about cocks while the snake is vocal about its rather questionable political views.

  • southsamurai@sh.itjust.works
    6·
    2 months ago

    What you describe is essentially what having a pet chicken is already like. Not even joking; the only difference is that it would be speaking english instead of chicken.

    Admittedly, my girl is mostly trained to go on pads instead of anywhere else, and makes sure to hang her butt over the edge of the shoulder, but still.

    I don’t expect that the bird talking in English would change what they say, which is mostly : give me that food, monkey servant.

  • CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org
    2·
    2 months ago

    Chicken. I’ve had chickens, they’re alright. Talking will be a mixed blessing, because while funny they’re also dicks, but I’ll take it.

    Racist suicidal snake can get fucked.

  • dejected_warp_core@lemmy.world
    2·
    2 months ago

    Snake. Although it’s not living long. The instant I happen upon a snake with a phone-shaped lump in the middle, is the beginning of the end I’m afraid.

    There’s a reason why foul are called that. Chicken droppings are just the worst. I don’t care if you have puppy training pads or litter boxes everywhere, your house will never smell nice again.

    • PinkyCoyote
      1·
      2 months ago

      I had not anticipated saying this sentence in my lifetime