I always thought that didn’t happened, but based on what I’ve seen on the Internet, it seems like it is possibly more common that I thought.
A couple times over the course of adulthood. All were when I was sick and trusted a fart.
I was sixteen so in a bunch of states that counts as an adult for some situations. We were on a band trip to Disney World to march in the Main Street parade, and we stayed at a very cheap motel that had a very scummy pool. Being an idiot sixteen year old I jumped in.
First mistake.
That night I woke up vomiting, but because my band needed me and I didn’t want to miss a free trip to Disney World I toughed it out. I was queasy but okay by the time we got there, and was okay until everybody had to meet up by the Pirates of the Caribbean ride to go “backstage” to get ready.
I was sitting on the wall there, next to my girlfriend, surrounded by classmates, when I trusted a fart.
Second mistake.
I told the band director and waited until everyone went backstage, and then proceeded to DESTROY a staff toilet while listening to two guys put their makeup on and bitch about the other cast members. Then I went back to the motel for a shower.
I ended up marrying that girl, who is now my ex, and who makes my life miserable every time she can.
Third mistake.
I’m sorry you have dealt with such shit.
So you didn’t get to march in the parade?
Bitch I’ll do it now
I dare you
chairpop!
So I was feeling a bit under the weather and farted while in bed before getting up. It felt a bit wet but I ignored it. Turned out I basically shat myself and only realized after passing an interview that morning.
Nobody noticed or they just didn’t mention it, I ended up getting up the job so all ended up alright (except my self esteem)
Taking notes: poop pants in Interview to assert dominance.
Ha, that’s actually a hilarious conversation my buddy and I once had. We were talking about aggressively pooping in your pants in an interview while maintaining eye contact to assert dominance. The thought was it would make you appear fractionally taller (spacing you slightly up from the seat), the interviewer would be intimated by your sudden infinitesimal height difference.
I can’t imagine spending half a day not realizing that my pants were full of shit.
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How did you like, get changed and ready for an interview that sounds like it was in person and not notice? Like didn’t your ass get itchy or irritated
It was early in the morning so I basically just put on my pants and went straight there. It was just a bit and all liquid but yeah it got itchy lol. Not my best moment.
Twice, both related to my Crohn’s Disease.
The first was in preparation for my first colonoscopy, where I was told that I was only allowed clear broth, clear soda, coffee, and water for 24hr before taking the colon prep solution. I didn’t think the diet would give a mile-long headstart before the prep solution, so I enjoyed copius amounts of clear broth and coffee, which ran through me like a river, resulting in the mishap. The bathroom was only 10ft away from me, but it was still too far given the rapid pressure buildup.
The second was during an insurance conflict about my Crohn’s Medication, resulting in a flareup and multiple weeks of gut agony and loose stool. It got to the point where no flatulence was trustworthy, and I took a gamble because I was so tired of getting up to run to the restroom every time I felt something bubbling (10+ restroom visits a day, each at the slightest sign of stomach rumbling will do that to a motherfucker).
It is always humiliating, even when I am home alone, and I am hyper concious about the possibility, even when in remission. It fucking bites.
Last time was about two years ago where I was quite sick and had to prioritize throwing up over pooping. The pressure from throwing up did the rest.
the ol double ender
That was about the only advantage I’ve experienced in my very small second apartment - sitting on the can you had the head over the shower basin.
i keep this decorative bucket with a fake flower in it on the back of the toilet, the flower can be easily dumped and the bucket is easy to clean, idk if it’s just me, but idk how people survive without an option for both
Pro-tip - sit on the toilet and puke into a trash bucket.
I would call it 1.5 times. In the 90s, I worked for a company that gave out $50 gift cards to a local grocery store for the holidays. I was young and still lived with my parents, so I used it to buy $50 worth of beer and fish (orange roughy). Went over to my friend’s house and we drank copious amounts of beer and consumed way too much beer battered roughy. Was standing outside the next morning having a smoke and trusted a fart. That was the last time I trusted a fart with a hangover.
Next time was about 25 years later, stomach gurgling during the last 20 minutes of a 2 hour commute, and well past the last public restroom. Tried to make it home, farting as I could to release whatever pressure I could. About 5 minutes from home, last fart released about 2 tablespoons of poop into my underpants. I phoned my wife to have the door open and make sure she wasn’t in the nearest bathroom. lol.
Man orange roughy is the best fish, young you had good taste in seafood.
Too bad my beer tastes weren’t as refined yet. Maybe then I wouldn’t have shit my pants! Stupid Miller Genuine Draft. lol
Based on my own research, which should not be considered scientific by any means:
Pants shitting frequency directly correlates to one’s personal level of alcoholism.
every alcoholic I’ve ever met, none of shit themselves.
but they pissed themselves, and their beds, and their friends and familys couches and beds, and their cars…
I still don’t understand how alcohol is the “cool” drug.
Cause it’s legal and easy to get. Same with cigarettes being seen as cool back in the day.
They did try to ban alcohol as well though.
It’s just so much worse of a drug that it lead to such massive issues so quickly society gave up on it.
The same thing is happening with other recreational drugs as well.
You’ll know it’s coming when the wet bubbly farts start.
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“Farted” in a Hotel bed, while arriving with a stomach flu. Was a business trip I couldn’t get out of.
Was quite embarrassing to try to wash everything in the shower, and left them a note and a tip.
Luckily it seems that deal worked out, as I still had to stay for 2-3 weeks and nobody mentioned anything.
But wasn’t fun… Especially while still having a fever and the bowels doing whatever…I remember getting wicked food poisoning on a work trip, only time I’ve ever had it and I used to travel a lot. May actually be the worst thing I’ve ever experienced, I was lucky the toilet was really close to the bathtub else I’d have had to priortise one or the other. The next day I felt dead, do not wish it on anyone.
In more luxurious bathrooms there’s always the option to grab the trashcan on the way to the throne.
As an adult, only once ever. Though it’s rather difficult to properly call it poop:
Dysentery. Was homeless. Was thirsty. Drank contaminated water. Ended up shitting transparent slime mixed with blood.
I’m sorry friend. I hope things are better for you now.
I’ve ulcerative colitis so in the last week probably 5-6 as I’ve had a flare up and was in hospital and couldn’t get to the toilet in time. Plus I had frequent diarrhea.
I drank too much cold brew and trusted a fart when I shouldn’t have. I was actually on the phone with my dad when it happened, thank god it was at home.
“Hey dad, I’m gonna have to call you back”
lol, not my proudest moment
I once set my kitchen on fire by pouring flammable liquid on the stove burner while answering the phone while my mom was calling. “Hey mom, gonna have to call you back”
Probably a hundred.
99 of those times was when I had dysentery and had zero control over my bowels and took place over the course of like 3 days. I was literally bedridden and still having to muster the energy to get up every 5-10 minutes to shit… and sometimes, due to pure exhaustion or surprise, I just didnt act in time.
the other time was when I had an awful stomach flu and was literally forcibly drug out of my house by family who didnt believe I was sick until I shit in their car. Then they lost their minds over that
In that situation I would say they got what they deserved.
It wasnt intentional, but I have absolutely zero regrets about shitting in their car.
Had some regrets about having to clean myself off in the back yard and waddle into the house to shower, though, that was mostly cause i was so sick and low energy however.
I dont have any good excuse for when it’s happened to me. I travel a lot for work and the changes in diet plus things like stress and caffeine can cause my intestines to betray me sometimes lol.
Not trying to make a pun here, but Shit happens.
Especially when you start throwing weird new foods and, especially, spices at your digestive tract.
