Hi friends ,

I’ve known my best friend since I was 6 years old. He’s always been very, very successful. I’ve always looked up to him, and still do.

A couple of years ago, I confronted him about Elon. I was very concerned. Elon was becoming something I could no longer support. My friend said that he would support Tesla through thick and thin, and here we are today.

He’s made a lot of money off of Elon and I’m happy for him, but I am very concerned that I should not be supporting someone that’s making a living off of someone that possibly is a Nazi. I’m considering ending my friendship. I want to do the right thing. I care about you. I care about us, and I’m very scared for our future.

I’m asking you for advice on whether or not I should give up on my best friend. We’ve been friends for almost 40 years, and I love him dearly. I’m crying right now making these statements. Should I still seek his support?

I am just so angry. My world is becoming so hostile, and I don’t know if I should separate myself from the negative influences around me. What do you guys think?

Edit: Thanks for all the insight, guys and gals. I know my friend means well, and cares about the greater good. Seeing both sides of the argument gives me a lot to think about.

  • HotDayBreeze@lemmy.world
    34·
    1 day ago

    A lot of fascism and authoritarianism comes from loneliness or a lack of community. Cutting him off could mean he seeks more community with Nazis. Be clear about your beliefs, keep calling him out when he’s wrong, but try to stay his friend. That’s different than “supporting” his beliefs. Take care of him when he’s sick, but don’t drive him to the Nazi rally. Your friendship might make a difference on his journey back to healthy beliefs.

    Also, really sorry your friend is dealing with this right now, I know it must suck to see this happen to him. It’s not necessarily the final story though.

    • intensely_human@lemm.ee
      3·
      22 hours ago

      I’d say this is good advice. Similar to what I wanted to say but I wasn’t sure how to word it.

      I’d say it’s important to clearly differentiate between values and beliefs. What you’re referring to as beliefs I think might be what I’m referring to as values?

      Things like “Nobody should starve to death” is often called a “belief” but I see that as a value.

      OP should get really, really clear on what his or her values are. Then, find that same clarity with their friend.

      If the two friends have the same values but different beliefs, friendship can work.

      If they actually have different values, at best they can be trading partners or allies. Friendship requires (among other things) shared values.

      A difference in beliefs — beliefs meaning things like “I think covid wasn’t real”, or “I think vaccines cause autism”, or “I think lower taxes can make an economy prosper” — can be addressed through the inspection and sharing of evidence.

      • modeler@lemmy.world
        2·
        21 hours ago

        That is a very profound point you’ve just made - it made me think.

        While I think you’re 99% correct, I think there is a serious counterpoint to:

        A difference in beliefs … can be addressed through the inspection and sharing of evidence

        This can only be true if both hold values that make logic/reason matter more than emotion or nihilism/postmodernism.

        Some people have fallen into the trap of emotionally rejecting other people’s arguments and denying what are self-evident facts (if you accept realism is basically true). By denying a shared reality, it is near impossible to jointly reason in the space of beliefs about reality.

        Sadly this is important because the right has spent about 40 years denying basic truths (like trickle-down economics doesn’t work and children dressed as cats have litter-boxes in liberal schools). In the last 10 years or so they have developed a complete alternate reality on the Internet, and the single most important facts in this reality are that mainstream media is lying, there is a giant conspiracy controlling the governments and science and that the best way to find the truth is to do your own research.

        • intensely_human@lemm.ee
          1·
          20 hours ago

          Just because something doesn’t happen doesn’t mean it can’t be done. It’s like saying one can grow an orchid over six feet tall. One can get a PhD. One can bench their body weight.

          Not that it happens all the time, but that it’s possible.

          I’m only saying that it’s possible to resolve differences in “beliefs” using mutual presentation and examination of evidence.

          Of course perception cannot be articulated, and can differ, and so may present unresplvable differences. But those differences can be reasoned about and recognized. A person is less touchy about their perceptions than about their values, so if you can prove to me something like “You tend to see 90 degree angles as acute”, I can (a) be thankful about that and (b) work around it.

          It’s harder to do that with values. Values are built into a person like perceptions are, below articulated knowledge, but they’re also (by definition) too important to “work around” or “correct for”.