We might be wise but we have a terrible sense of direction.

  • zabadoh@ani.social
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    14 hours ago

    What kind of broad gives directions to her place using nocturnal star navigation?

    The kind who doesn’t want you to find them, that’s who.

  • flamingo_pinyata
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    1 day ago

    Just keep going west until you meet a bunch of dudes wearing SPQR branded swag, they’ll be able to point you further

  • PlasticExistence@lemmy.world
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    19 hours ago

    We keep telling you, and this is the fourth time in three years that you’ve fallen for this, but this is a classic messiah scam.

    People like getting expensive shit for free when they have a baby, right? And they fawned all over the “wisdom” of you and your two buddies? Asked you to go visit the “virgin” mother and her new little “king”?

    Come on, FS. You have to see it! You’ve been played!

    Come back inside and have a warm cup of spiced mead and some mutton by the fire. I’ll read you the Epic of Gilgamesh before bed.

    • Flying Squid@lemmy.worldOPM
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      18 hours ago

      Oh sure, I’ve heard it all before. He’s not the messiah, he’s a very naughty boy. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me four times… you can’t get fooled again.

    • Flying Squid@lemmy.worldOPM
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      18 hours ago

      Yeah well you try hauling all this frankincense and myrrh around everywhere and see if you still have a good sense of direction when you’re constantly inhaling those fumes.

  • Nougat@fedia.io
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    23 hours ago

    Okay - when the sun comes up in the morning, stand up with your shadow in front of you on the ground. Pick out as distant a landscape feature as you can see directly in front of you. If you have to, choose one that is a bit to your left, but not one that is a bit to your right. Walk towards that feature. Repeat as necessary.

    As the morning gets older, your shadow will begin to turn to your left. Continue to use the most distant landscape feature as your guide as long as you can. When your shadow is directly to your left, stop for lunch. (If you have reached your landscape feature before that happens, stop and wait for that to happen. You can put a stick in the ground and draw a line in the dirt of your direction so you don’t forget.)

    Now pick out your next landscape feature, while your shadow is directly to your left. Walk towards that feature, repeating picking out a new feature as necessary. (You can also make sure you’re going in a straight line if you’re able to keep the previous feature directly behind you.) At sundown, your direction should be roughly into the sunset, a little to its left is fine, a little to its right is not. Put another stick in the ground, draw your destination line on the ground, and put up camp for the night.

    Congratulations, you have just traveled west for one day.

    (The above applies if you are north of the equator. If you are south of the equator, reverse the left and right advisories.)

    • Flying Squid@lemmy.worldOPM
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      23 hours ago

      If it was DUE west, we wouldn’t be following a STAR, now would we.

      It’s like you’ve never even suffered the wrath of god by getting something wrong. Do you want boils? This is how you get boils.

      • Nougat@fedia.io
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        23 hours ago

        I mean, how the fuck does your stupid god expect you to travel halfway across the world where there are no roads following a star, at night??? Everyone knows you have to travel during the day; it’s too dark at night. You’d run afoul of dangerous obstacles and highwaymen.

        At least this way, you can get started going generally west until the weather clears up.

        I have nothing else to say, nobody should be here doing your homework for you, install Linux, n00b.

  • countrypunk@slrpnk.net
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    20 hours ago

    Duh, the star won’t guide you if you don’t have your gold, frankensense, and myrrh 🙄. Go back, get it, and try again.