Personal background: I strongly feel just about everyone grows up and has something shitty about them. I know growing up I definitely thought and said some less-than-ideal jokes about women, minorities, etc. And while some of that was the proverbial ‘the times’, and some was growing up in a sheltered hyper Christian southern American conservative situation, I regret my actions and am happy I grew past that. And I do think people, especially younger, can grow past their shittiness, especially with the help of others, which was true for me too… When I got my first W2 job a superior I looked up to helped mold me into a better person by calling me out on things and modeling a better behavior.

Current situation: I’m now the supervisor position, have been for a decade (retail is a trap) and I’ve taken that to heart, calling out jokes that aren’t funny, etc. But recently we hired a new kid who acts really incel-ish, and who apparently has attached himself to me instantly. I’ve had moderate success so far just telling him his ‘lol women dumb’ jokes aren’t funny, and modeling how working with women is… normal? Anyways, I don’t wanna screw this up so do y’all have any suggestions for me to help keep him from going down an unfortunate path? I know at the end of the day I’m not responsible for others’ routes in life, but I feel we should all do our parts.

  • PatFusty@lemm.eeEnglish
    1·
    1 year ago

    Ima just keep it real and tell you that you arent responsible for molding people to be in a way you find more pleasant. If you just act in a way that this guy finds attractive to emulate then he will do that. Otherwise you are essentially asking us “how do i program this guy to be more like me”.

    • bermuda@beehaw.orgEnglish
      15·
      1 year ago

      I think OP is pretty clearly asking for ways to help him, not to “mold” him. Having an incel coworker is a massive pain from my experience so it helps to be able to help them to not be that guy

    • KasanMoor@beehaw.orgOPEnglish
      12·
      1 year ago

      Haha, I’m no saint, I’d like him to be better than that!

      But more seriously, I agree I’m not responsible for others’ routes in life, I said so at the end of my post. However, there are certain behaviors that society in general tends to disapprove of, and incel behavior is one of them. If I can help him move away from that path with my actions, I’d say that’s worth doing. No?

      • PatFusty@lemm.eeEnglish
        1·
        1 year ago

        This is the same logic that mormons use when they ring my doorbell 2 times a day for the last 4 years. You need to either let him do his thing and find you aa a good mentor or keep it pushing and let him do his thing. All as long as it doesnt get him into trouble. If he gets himself into trouble thats when you step in; if he seeks your advice then give him your wisdom. Otherwise, leave your subordinate alone.

        • jarfil@beehaw.orgEnglish
          7·
          1 year ago

          OP’s case seems less about converting anyone, and more about helping a guy get the hang of the rules acceptable at his workplace.

          PS: If Mormons pester you, ask them to show you the original from which their book got translated. I did once, on accident, before knowing the full story… the reaction was priceless (and sepulcral silence fell onto the land).

          • PatFusty@lemm.eeEnglish
            1·
            1 year ago

            This is 100% the case, OP is saying some things are correct for society and other is not. OP is trying to mold this kid there is no question here.

            • KasanMoor@beehaw.orgOPEnglish
              4·
              1 year ago

              Perhaps there was some confusion or miscommunication here. I’m not asking to convert him to my religion, make him “more liberal”, get him to be a mini-me, make my work life “easier” by making him more “standable” or anything like that. I am personally able to work just fine with the kid as it is, and have no professional issues with them.

              I do not feel I have any sort of agenda I’m pushing, I just see them exhibiting misogynistic behaviors and drifting towards a subgroup that’s known for mass shootings, and I think I can in any way help prevent him from going that route.