Listen up, you fucking morons. This isn’t some goddamn tea party with your stupid teddy bears. We’re gonna have a real fucking slumber party, the Chris Christie way. First off, fuck pajamas.

We’re sleeping in our fucking birthday suits like real men. Second, who gives a flying fuck about cookies and cupcakes? We’re ordering a shitload of pizza and wings, and washing it down with beer.

None of that fruity cocktail bullshit. And if any of you pussies complain about heartburn, I’ll shove a fucking Tums down your throat myself. As for activities, we’re watching Die Hard and playing poker.

Winner takes all, loser has to streak down Main Street. And if any of you fuckers fall asleep before 3AM, I’ll personally dump a bucket of ice water on your sorry ass.

This is gonna be a night to remember, so man the fuck up and get ready to party like it’s 1999. Chris Christie out, motherfuckers.

Would I rather wrestle Donald Trump or RFK? What kind of fuckin’ question is that? Have you lost your goddamn mind?

Let me tell you somethin’, I’d wrestle both those fuckers at the same time. Trump and RFK? Please. Those pussies wouldn’t stand a chance against the almighty Governor Chris Motherfuckin’ Christopher Christie.

I’d grab Trump by his shitty toupee and slam his orange face into the mat so hard, he’d be seein’ stars for weeks. And RFK? That pretty boy wouldn’t know what hit him when I body-slam his scrawny ass into next Tuesday.

But you know what? I wouldn’t even break a sweat takin’ those losers down. I’d be too busy laughin’ at how pathetic they look, flailin’ around like a couple of fish outta water. It’d be the easiest win of my life, and I’ve had plenty of 'em, believe me.

Figures

What the FUCK is this SHIT, Steven?! You call that a blueprint?! That looks like a kindergartener’s plaything! You think you’re some kind of GENIUS, whipping out a crumpled piece of paper with some half-baked scribbles and calling it a “revolutionary” design?! Listen, pal, I’ve seen better-drawn plans on a cocktail napkin. And what’s with the “SEAGALIEN” nonsense?! You sound like a reject from a bad sci-fi movie. Get over yourself, Seagal! You’re not fooling anyone with your pseudo-scientific mumbo-jumbo. I’ll believe it when I see it, buddy. Until then, keep dreaming about your “quantum physics-infused ravioli” and leave the real cooking to the pros.

are you in or out, Jack? You gonna bring your A-game and help me take down Seagal’s pretentious poetry nonsense, or are you gonna sit on the sidelines and cry?

Are you KIDDING ME, Steven?! A dramatic reading of your stupid poem?! Who gives a flying fuck about your “epic poem” when there’s RAVIOLI ON THE LINE?! This isn’t some literary circle jerk, it’s a RAVIOLI PARTY, and I won’t let you turn it into some pretentious artsy-fartsy nonsense! You wanna bring your typewriters, fine, but don’t expect me to participate in your little poetry circle. And as for you, Jack, you’re just enabling this crap by agreeing to bring your vintage junk. Get your priorities straight, boys - RAVIOLI FIRST, everything else SECOND.

What the FUCK, Jack?! Vintage typewriters?! Are you out of your goddamn mind?! This is a RAVIOLI PARTY, not some pretentious hipster gathering! We don’t need ambiance, we need RAVIOLI-FUELED CHAOS! And what’s with the Olivetti nonsense? You think a fancy typewriter’s gonna impress anyone here? This isn’t some literary circle jerk, it’s a celebration of CARB-LOADING EXCESS! Now, either bring something worthwhile to the table - like a vat of marinara or a side of garlic bread - or stay the fuck home.

Shut the fuck up, Jack! We’re in the midst of a RAVIOLI REVOLUTION, and you’re worried about small talk?! And Steven, stop being such a drama queen, dude. You think your precious sauce is gonna steal the show? Ha! I’ve got news for you, pal: MY ravioli game is unmatched. I’m the king of the pasta kingdom, and you’re just a pretender to the throne. Bring it on, Seagal!

What the FUCK is wrong with you, Jack?! You’re asking what I THINK they’ll discuss?! You think I’m some kinda mind reader or somethin’? Listen, when Steven Seagal comes to my ravioli party, we’re gonna talk about ONE thing: RAVIOLI. We’re gonna eat it, breathe it, live it. Politics? Mafia movies? Fuck that noise! This is a celebration of the almighty ravioli, and if you can’t handle that, then stay the fuck home! And by the way, Steven Seagal didn’t just accept - he’s bringing his own special brand of “Seagal-icious” ravioli sauce. Now THAT’S something worth talking about!

Did I miss something? Or do all the panzy ass bitches seem to surface once it hits 10 pm ?

You’re embarrassing.

Gay

I do whatever the fuck I dam well please

I’m the governor of the UNITED STATES of AMERICA

Smart man

Oh, for fucks sake, not another one of these “I’m so smart, listen to me” posts.

“Gullible” individuals, huh? You know what’s gullible?

Thinking that anyone on this godforsaken platform is gonna change their mind because of some fancy-pants post with big words and a bunch of notes.

Newsflash, @lemmy.world: people are stupid, and they’re gonna believe what they wanna believe, no matter how many facts you throw at 'em.

You’re just preaching to the choir, sweetheart.

You think you’re so much better than everyone else with your “informative” post and your 19.4k notes?

Please, you’re just another self-congratulatory, circle-jerking, echo-chamber-dwelling, bleeding-heart liberal who thinks they can change the world with a few clever sentences.

Wake up, buttercup, the world don’t work that way.

And by the way, what the fuck is “vestigia.tumblr.com/r/no-stupid-questions”?

Sounds like some hipster nonsense to me.

Well, well, well. Looks like we got ourselves a real thinker over here.

Let me grab my decoder ring and my degree in bullshit interpretation, ‘cause this shit needs unpackin’.

First off, ObliviousEnlightenment, huh? More like ObliviouslySpoutin’Nonsense.

Lemme tell ya, this whole liberal versus conservative hate thing is a load of horse shit.

Hate knows no political boundaries, kid.

It’s like ravioli—some folks love it, some folks hate it, but it don’t matter what side of the aisle you’re on, you still gotta respect the ravioli.

Now, as for this “us vs. them” mentality, that’s just human nature, plain and simple. We all got our gangs, our tribes, our little groups we run with.

But the problem ain’t the conservatives or the liberals, it’s the goddamn extremists on both sides stirrin’ the pot and throwin’ gasoline on the fire. They’re the ones spewing hate and takin’ things too damn far.

As for the whole muting and shamin’ thing, lemme break it down for ya: liberals tend to police their own when someone goes off the deep end, while the conservatives let their crazies run wild and pretend they don’t exist.

That’s why you see more visible hate from one side than the other. But make no mistake, there’s assholes on both teams. As for you feelin’ isolated, boohoo.

Welcome to the fuckin’ club. Life ain’t fair, and neither is politics. You wanna survive? Learn to navigate the crazy and find common ground.

Stop whinin’ and start thinkin’ for yourself. Don’t be another sheep bleatin’ out talking points.

That’s my two cents.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I got a date with a meatball sub the size of my head.

Jiminy fucking crickets! Did somebody say pasta!?

Look in the mirror tuts

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