Edit: Last night she attempted suicide. I was in the living room while she was showering. She got out of the shower, went to the bedroom, and about 10 minutes later I heard her call my name. She was holding a large handful of her medicine in one hand, and the bottle in the other. She told me she almost took it, but decided to get help instead. Suffice to say, both of us are dealing with a lot right now. She asked me not to tell anyone, but I am trying to persuade her to get mental healthcare.
So yesterday morning, while my girlfriend and I were sleeping in our new apartment, we heard some rustling at the door. This was around 8 AM or so. I heard him call out “maintenance” very faintly from the other side of the door.
I was partially awake and called out to the guy after glancing my gf’s way in a “is this guy for real?” look.
Guy apologized and left the apartment after he heard me. At the time, she said she was “glad I was there”.
I spoke to him later and he apologized profusely and said he wasn’t aware someone had moved in already. I figured that would be the end of it. No harm, no foul.
Last night, my girlfriend informed me that I didn’t handle that correctly. She said her dad would’ve been up and ready to fight the guy, and that by glancing her way I must’ve been asking her to protect me.
Despite us discussing a proposal now that we’re 2 years in, she let me know she doesn’t think I should “this year, but that she may change her mind”.
I’m honestly baffled. Was I supposed to shoot the maintenance man or something?
It has me reconsidering the relationship. One perceived mistake–that I honestly think I handled fine–and she’s putting our plans on ice.
She’s been mean leading up to this. She blames her cycle (and apologizes each time), but it’s a pretty extreme mood shift for a few days each month. So part of me wonders if these 2 things are related, and she’ll regret saying that to me. Another part wonders if I should forgive her in the first place.
What do y’all think? How big of a mess am I in?
I think it’s still worth trying to see if she really feels like she wanted you to be more concerned for her safety and maybe yelled at the guy or did she really want you to go full murder hobo on an innocent human.
However, the extreme mood shift and being abusive to you and her doing fuck all to break that cycle where she’s not being a dick to you every damn month, well I think that really needs to be addressed and you need to decide if you’re actually going to be okay with being treated badly every month for t he rest of your life.
The other elephant in the room is that do you want to spend the rest of your life with a person who’s feelings will turn on you the minute things get a little tough? I mean you not wanting to murder someone leads to her falling out of love with you that fast? Really man, take a good long look at your two years together, maybe hash it out with a friend and get a outside look at things to get a full picture of if this is really what you want for the rest of your life.
There’s a lot to unpack now–more than even last night. But, yeah, she’s acutely aware of the cycle she’s putting me in, and she’s desperate to not make it a habit.
She tried to kill herself last night. And, it has me wondering if she’s been hard on me lately as some way to keep me away, emotionally. I don’t know if it was planned and she backed out, or if it was spur of the moment.
She told me she’s felt like potentially attempting for the past couple months, which tracks with how her behavior has changed. I said yesterday, I felt like the past 3-4 have been different–a lot harder on me than before.
I’m processing it now. She chose to go to work since she has no vacation time. I tried to persuade her not to, but at the same time, I don’t know what is or isn’t appropriate to do here.
Yeah man, this is beyond Lemmy and random guys on the internets pay grade. From your update, only you would now how serious this is and either way or goes, and definitely needs professional help.
Just remember that you can’t and shouldn’t light yourself on fire to keep others warm. I have a wife that suffers from depression and I can tell you that for me providing that support for her to get better was a challenge and without having other people being her support I would have really burnt out as well as that beginning of burn out made my less than desirable traits magnify.
All I can say is try and get her help, of her parents aren’t complete shit get her to expand her support network. Definitely postpone the engagement and continuously evaluate of she’s taking addressing her issues AND your relationships issues like instantly falling out of love seriously and take note that you cannot help those who won’t help themselves.
Sorry to hear you going through all of this man, good luck and take care of yourself.
Thanks. I realize this is something only a professional can help with now. It’s up to her if she follows through. As far as support goes, I am going to encourage her to reach out to other trusted friends and family members, and to cut out people who have been causing her so much grief.
She didn’t try kill herself. She poured a handful of pills and called you to see. It’s manipulation.
I’ve been single for almost a decade now and it’s partially because I don’t deal with this kind of bullshit.
Love and respect go hand in hand, you don’t respect me then you don’t love me you’re just using words you think you should say. While words are cheap, actions speak volumes.
I’m by no means whatsoever the most desirable guy, but I’ll never be with a person I don’t love or who doesn’t love me. A lack of respect is a major lack of consideration to me and a major turn off.