I’ve had a ‘passion’ for programming for all my life, but recently I’ve been getting into a very, very emotional state over stuff like tooling and small things like that. The smallest things make me go off these days, and I feel so tired after every discussion. Feeling like I am in the wrong or that I don’t know what I’m talking about. I wish I could just make it all go away or somehow be happy or succeed some day. I never will tho
My first thought was: therapy. Find a good professional (sometimes takes a while) with whom you can try to understand and improve your life.
Sadly haven’t found a good therapist. I have been bouncing between them a lot and each one doesn’t fit :/ I’m loosing hope that I’ll ever get the therapy I need.
May I suggest a video ? Also, Dr.K (his nickname) and his team created a great community that might help you with questions and struggles: healthygamergg, their discord is great. Above all, never quit, its about your hapinnes and you deserve to be happy!
Neurodivergent data architect here. It is possible to be happy and to succeed, but you’re gonna have to learn a skill and practice it forever. Which is limiting how much energy you put into any one thing. You’ll have to pick your battles. Especially when it comes to group projects (which all programming for other people is going to be).
You’re going to be particular about stuff. Sometimes you’ll be right, sometimes you’ll be wrong. Either way you’ll learn a lot of stuff and probably regret most of what you’ve done a week after the project is complete.
Have some hard rules. Know what hills you want to die on. For example: I will never work with oracle, mongodb, or firebase again. There are far better tools (ex: postgres, couchbase). Learn to let other stuff slide. And know when you’re too burned out and it’s time to bounce to another job.
ETA: practicing meditation helped me a lot. Also reflecting daily on how the day went, what actions I had taken, and what changes I would like to make next time was a big deal.
I understand where you’re coming from but it’s just so frustrating to have others point out my mistakes in speech instead of actually listening to what I’m talking about… Or even worse making weird arguments and laughing at me when I ask for clarification… I hate it all I want to make the awful emotions stop
Yeah that sounds like a toxic work environment. I’d suggest getting out of that situation. I’m not sure how old you are, but I didn’t totally figure myself out until about 29. Took a while to learn how I can work with my brain better. What flavor of neurodivergent are you?
ADHD + Aspergers :/
Sadly can’t really get out as I do OSS work and have to argue with people in OSS projects
And yeah I’m still figuring myself out, being 18 never really fixed anything and I feel awful about my past even though I’ve succeded a lot according to my peers…
I can’t really satisfy myself and just work work work work and work
That pit inside you won’t be filled by accomplishments, at least it wasn’t for me. The only peace I found was by accepting I’ll always feel that pit, and that I don’t need to try and fill it. The pit is an illusion, you are already valid!
Yeah I’m on the Aspergers side of things too (don’t think they even call it that anymore). It feels like stuff is really intense now and that’s normal, cause you’re 18. Your brain won’t be done growing for another 7 years and it’s still freaking out.
I’d highly recommend finding some meditation that works for you. That might be a traditional meditation or yoga. Or it might be archery, or motocross, or longboarding, or swimming, or pretty much anything that requires intense focus. It makes a big difference.
I thought I knew a lot at 18, and some of my code from back then was pretty clever. But at this point (35 now) I would be unhappy with every single line of it. There is a whole lot out there to learn and know. Hopefully you can find a way to look forward to it.
edit: Maybe give “Nerdy Shy and Socially Inappropriate” or “The Autistic Brain” books a read.
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Obviously we’re different people, but my silver bullet was 300mg Wellbutrin. (150mg did nothing.)
I have ADHD that doesn’t respond to stimulants, so my doc tried Wellbutrin. Didn’t touch my ADHD, unfortunately, but I haven’t had a violent outburst in years. Last night, I dropped a piece of lasagna on the kitchen floor and reacted with a “goddammit,” instead of the tantrums I’ve had in the past. So much nicer.
Not sure what you have or haven’t tried but there’s a strong correlation between certain types of neurodivergence, depression, anxiety, imposter syndrome, and anger issues.
When my depression got out of control it was the anger issues that clued me in and got me to seek help.
If you have not discussed depression/ anxiety meds with your doctor that may be an avenue to help regulate things.
@Lupolo @CinnamonTheCat @joenotjim
I used to be on antidepressants, but they didn’t help me regulate things … same for antianxiety meds… I think that such things for at least myself are externally provoked… with issues like acceptance, understanding, and things that actually make me happy and safe. Coping skills actually do a much better job for me… but I don’t stim as much as I used to because I was ridiculed for it.
I was recently diagnosed with a personality disorder. High emotion is a symptom. Might want to talk to a psychologist
The first thing to bear in mind here is that to feel pain is to be human. There’s no way to disentangle the two. All you can do is learn to acknowledge that pain, and assign it a level of importance, then practice that assignation until, suddenly, at some point in the future you’ll realise that you’ve chilled right out.
All this is far easier said than done though.
In the short term, try to practice some level of mindfulness. When you catch yourself being angry, stop and ask yourself where the anger has come from. Is it because you no longer have control over a situation, or because someone has wronged you in some way? Could your anger be useful in resolving the issue, or is it clouding your judgement?
Once you begin interrogating your feelings, you’ll find them far easier to understand and control.
I can’t speak to your mental state, but I can speak to the tech. What helped me was to focus not the detail but the goal. My goal was to release a feature into production that was decently sustainable while growing personal and professionally and having some fun.
I learned to let go of the little things. An example is a code formatting. People freak out about this topic. My standpoint is I don’t care what you pick, but give me an automatic code formatter, be consistent and never talk to me about this boring topic again.
Think of the goal, don’t fixate on the details. Move forward. Save your energy for the right time. If someone makes a decision you don’t like either get behind it, support it and move forward - out quit.
It’s not worth the energy.
