While growing up everything gave me the impression that sex is the best thing in life and everything revolves around it. Many of my friends had their first experiences really young and it seemed like something really exciting and something to look forward to. However after my couple first experiences I was met with the harsh reality that it wasn’t what I was expecting. I already had a long history of enjoying porn and masturbation and I then just felt like including another person added nothing to it for me. Quite the opposite really - it just got more complicated and often felt like a chore. Like asking someone else to scratch an itch for me.
I don’t know anyone else like me and I’m confused about what am I. I’m quite sexual being but I just don’t care about the act of sex itself. I resonate with a alot of things I hear aces talking about but I also feel like I’m not quite welcome in this club either.
You could be what is called a “sex-positive asexual.” It basically means how it sounds. It does sound a bit like that, based off your description though.
It’s kinda funny. Once you get to experience the act it’s kinda like… “this is it, huh? The pinnacle of human euphoria. Huh.” I think that’s where it starts for a lot of people. They start to question of they’re “broken,” or whatever, because they don’t share the same admiration of it as their peers. That is how it felt for me anyway.
Only you can tell yourself if you resonate with it, but whatever you decide on, you’re welcome here.
Asexuality is a broad term that can refer to many things. Some people are genuinely sex-repulsed, some are completely indifferent, some can only experience sexual attraction when there’s an established emotional bond, etc. All of these fit under the umbrella of asexuality.
You fit if you so choose to. It sounds to me that you have a high libido but no sexual “attraction” to people. There may be a more specific term under the ace spectrum, but the labels are really just there to help you find community.
Mm there are and have been many terms to describe what sounds like your situation. Some of these terms include “libidoist asexual”, “aegosexual” and “autochorissexual”. While they might not necessarily be the most used terminology, their existence proves that this matter has often been thought about in ace communities over the years.
I then just felt like including another person added nothing to it for me
I feel like there are a lot of ace people who can see themselves in this statement. Think about whether you feel sexual attraction… Not if seeing something like porn makes you body aroused, that can happen to an asexual too. But if you truly think about a partner: I have a desire to have sex with them, I am sexually attracted.
Most asexuals or at least, asexuals who hang around in the communities, indeed have lower libidos and even lower interest in sex of course which can make it seem like you wouldn’t fit in but… masturbation is something that is quite personal so just because someone doesn’t talk about it, doesn’t mean they’re completely removed from it. Aces tend to bond more over the “I don’t want to include another person”. (And even then it’s not descriptive of everyone). I think it’s important to accept that all aces have a bit of a different experience about sexuality. My idea is that asexual people do, in fact, have sexuality, it’s just sexuality that is oriented in the asexual way. Someone else might (and certainly does) disagree with me on that.
Personally consider myself asexual and I masturbate and look at porn daily. I have plenty of libido, so mostly do it to deal with that. And too ADHD to actually finish up without something constantly reminding me to that focused. I still struggle staying on task. Never tried adding another person; never seemed worth the effort (I’m also Aro). Outside aegosexuals, I feel like porn-consuming (especially visual porn; written smut seems more popular) aces are a bit of a minority. Honestly, not sure what microlabel would fit me best and don’t really care about whether I have a label or not.
Btw, orchidsexual is an ace-adjacent or greyace label for those who do experience sexual attraction but just lack interest in sex.
I feel like you are describing exactly me! And I’m regularly not sure if I’m really asexual. But it’s not about wether you fit a narrow description, or if you can relate to every ace meme - asexuality is a spectrum, and as long as you feel you’re on it, I’d call you asexual.
Well the main reason I’m wondering is because if it’s something I’m born with then there’s no point trying to fix it but if it’s caused by excessive porn and masturbation then maybe I could do something about it. I guess it could be both too.
I think you should ask yourself if you even wanted to “fix” it if you could. Do you feel you’re missing out on something? If not, I wouldn’t care if I was born with it or not. It’s the way you are, and just because it’s not the norm, it doesn’t need fixing.
Older guy here.
As a virgin I never really wanted to fuck girls my age as much as the other guys did. Yeah, I watched porn and yeah, I jerked off, but I wasn’t obsessed with sex like everyone else was. Eventually I got a girlfriend and we fell in ‘puppy love’, and I was off-and-away, screwing my brains out.
A few years later I was single again, and again I wasn’t that fussed with screwing girls. Things got really confusing for me when I’d meet gorgeous girls, take them home, and couldn’t perform. What was wrong with me?
Over many years I’ve discovered that I need an emotional connection. Once I have it or fall in love, I enjoy sex like it’s an Olympic sport, but no love or no emotional connection, and I’m just not interested no matter how hot she is.
It took me a long time to figure this out and I have no idea what it is, and I’ve done the limp-dick walk-of-shame out of more girls’ apartments in my life than I care to remember, but it’s just who I am.
Now that I’m older, I let women know my deal straight up, and I tell them I prefer to wait before jumping into bed. A few girls wanting a one night stand have been pissed off, but heaps more have been more than happy to wait, and eventually we fuck like rabbits and everyone is happy.
