— 911 emergencies, how can I help you?
— My cat’s been sleeping on my lap for 2 days, I think I’ll die of dehydration!
— We’ll send two officers sir, but be patient please, their cats are on their laps.
Rookie mistake to not have secret crisp, peanut and cashew stashes hidden in reach everywhere comfy
This, only chicken.
We have a pet chicken, and whoever has her on their lap is exempt from being asked favors that require moving
We may need at least one more chicken, since they do better with others. If any new ones are as cuddly and sweet as our current bird, we are fucked. No one will ever get anything done.
And yes, I know, “pet chicken”. Kind of bonkers. If you’d asked me in October if I would be walking around my house with a chicken on my shoulder, I would have laughed at you. What’s really hilarious is that we got her because of our other chicken. But the other chicken was actually a rooster, not a hen, and is anti social with other chickens, it turns out.
But I’ll tell you this much. If you can see a little pullet bouncing across the floor, trilling and flapping its wings to hop on your lap for cuddles, and don’t melt just a little, you’re not human lol.
This little fucking bird (that’s not so little now) gets up on my chest, nestles into my beard, and just trills when she’s ready to sleep. How the fuck am I going to wake her up just because someone in the house is bleeding to death? Nope, the bird will wake up eventually, and mops are there to clean up blood. They can just put pressure on the wound and wait.
How do you stop it from pooping everywhere? I had a conure who was “trained” to fly back to her cage to poop, but she’d only actually do it a fraction of the time. I imagine chicken poop is a little messier than a tiny conure.
Stop? That’s a bit of an overstatement if I claimed that lol.
But strongly limit is easy enough. You just reward the bird any time they go where you want them to, while starting out with that “place” being huge, and eventually shrinking it. That is made faster if you can identify when the bird is going to poop, and help them get there.
We used disposable pads at first, then switched to washable pads that are the same size and color (no idea if chickens can see in color, I just realized I never looked that up). We got her in October, and it was December before she would try to get to a pad reliably.
Luckily, unless she’s voiding only the wet stuff (calling it urine doesn’t feel right, nor pee, but it’s the equivalent), it isn’t bad. When she does miss the pad, it’s because she doesn’t really know that the poop is supposed to be on it, not just her feet lol. It’s mostly very dry and firm, so there’s not enough mess to be a problem as long as we monkeys pay attention. She’ll do a light dance, lift her tail, and a little blob of stuff pops out, dry enough that even on a white pad surface, you can’t see anything when you remove it.
She gets insistent when she’s on my shoulder and needs to go, so I just keep a pad handy and move her onto it.
Since it’s that dry, it’s very easy to just grab the poo with some tissue and toss it in a bag and then dump the bag into the compost heap at the end of the day, when she’s inside all day
I’m not saying there’s never accidents, but she tries to do what we want in that regard. But our floors are all easy to clean, so it isn’t onerous when an accident happens.
Currently, she’s probably at 95% making it onto a pad with the poop, and 99+ with trying. Pretty damn unusual for a chicken, or so I’ve been told.
What’s the name of your chicken and do you have a picture perhaps? I’m genuinely curious. I’ve heard of an old acquaintance who also had a pet chicken, but it’s just hard to imagine.
Her name is cricket. She’s what’s called a “midnight majesty” marans. I don’t have a picture with me currently, and I know I’ll forget by the time I get home. But she’s this gorgeous black that gets a green iridescence in the sunlight.
She’s called cricket because when we got her, we had to drive all day and it was night time on the way home, and she was making cute little cricket noises the whole way. She’s old enough now that it doesn’t sound the same, but it was the trills that sleepy, contented chickens make. She was small enough to just sit nestled in my kid’s hand at the time.
We have a lil doxy, we do the inverse of this rule.
If you have the puppy in your lap you should probably get up and do stuff. Actually, it’s your duty to ruin that spoiled monsters 28th nap! :D
We’re not actually that evil. Every now and then though, when she has been a true nightmare… Lap time over! Silly lippy belligerent lil puppies!
Has it put you off eating chicken, if you ever did?
Nah, I’ll sit there eating chicken, and give her a bit. Seriously, if you look up lists of food that’s okay/good for them, chicken and eggs are on almost every list. She very much enjoys both.
Now, would I eat her? Nah, and not only because of the breed not being very good as meat, nor that I hope she lives to be very old, which makes for not good meat. She’s part of the family, and you don’t eat family unless it’s life-or-death. Like, I have no objection to eating dog, but I wouldn’t eat my dog.
Hell, I don’t even object to the idea of eating one’s own pets in general, I can see the way it could be a respectful and good thing. I just can’t do it lol.
I will say that I’m pickier about sourcing my chicken for food now though. I’ve always preferred non industrial meat sources when possible, but now that “when possible” has turned into “well, I guess I’ll just skip it this time”.
and give her a bit
THE CATS ARE SO HAPPY
My wife and I refer to a cat in the lap compelling the other to do things for you as the “Kitty Claws” of our marriage contract
You may need to update your contract to read “clause” otherwise there’s no pun.
My house calls this predicament “mammal-locked.”
Look at those faces… they know what they’re doing.
Those are chips right?
No, they’re cats.
Yeap
I feel called out
“Poor planning on your part does not necessitate an emergency on mine.” ― Bob Carter
Have you considered picking up the cat and bringing it with you on your journey to obtain the delectable you call a “crisp?”
I know this isn’t right but…
This is what I imagine happened to all those redditors who are always looking to tell everyone they have cptsd
This is why we must never let cats outnumber humans.
Why can’t they understand that we can go back to the way things were 5 seconds ago
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