John Malkovich’s voice and spectacular cadence in your head:
- “It is estimated that Santa’s sleigh weighs 353 thousand tons. So, traveling at 650 miles per second would create such enormous friction that Santa and his reindeer would burst into flames. You understand? Like a meteor entering the atmosphere. This is a scientific fact.”
Therefore Santa and his reindeer must be fireproof! I understand.
The more you learn about Father Christmas the more you realise he’s an eldritch creature of phenomenal power. The fact that we can appease an Old God capable of destroying us in an instant with a simple offering of Sherry and a Mince Pie is nothing short of a miracle.
Yo bro what are you doing you’re gonna start a holy war
This is why fires in fireplaces pose no threat.
Santa’s sled has ablative shielding.