I’ve always been a fencesitter when it comes to having kids. I’m getting to a point where I think I’d like to have a kid. I don’t know if it’s because I really want one, or there’s just nothing major left on the list of life accomplishments and it’s a societal expectation.
The thing is, I can think of a million and one reasons not to have one and can’t put into words why I would want one. However, I’m starting to have a nagging feeling that I want to start trying. I just don’t know if that feeling is something I actually want, or just society telling me I should.
It doesn’t help that I don’t have a lot of small children I regularly interact with, so I honestly don’t have a clue what life would look like after kids, beyond it being a lot of stress and hard work. It also doesn’t help my spouse says it’s my choice and they’ll go along with whatever I want .
Any advice or things that helped you know it was the right choice/time for you to expand your family?
You know in your heart if you really want kids.
You know in your head whether you’re in the right situation to raise them.
Don’t have kids unless both you and your partner definitely want them. If you both really want kids, ask yourselves whether now is the right time or if there’s something you should wait for first, like career, housing, finances etc.
In my head, we’re in a great position. Good jobs with great parental leave (for the US), own our house that has plenty of room to grow, family support nearby, etc.
My heart is less certain of what it wants.
Or perhaps, I’m pretty sure I want kids but am scared of being wrong.
If it helps at all, I couldn’t imagine not wanting my kids after having them. I miss being freedom of being childless but I don’t mourn it, if that makes sense.
Oh don’t worry, the little bastards absolutely brainwash you to make you think they’re the most amazing thing ever. It’s hard work, physically, mentally and every which way, but I wouldn’t be without them for the world. Bastards.
If you get married first, the cute little bastards aren’t actually bastards.