i did not ask for this!! don’t pay extra for it and act like you’re somehow doing me a fucking favor because now i have to take the day off and practically sit by the fucking door listening for the guy to knock – cannot fully engage in an activity, wear headphones, shower, etc etc etc.
again, I didn’t ask for this!!
these days it’s really obnoxious because now it seems like you can’t even turn it off? like 10 years ago maybe you could sign into the site and say ‘actually please leave at the door’. now it’s fucking LOCKED ON. ABSOLUTELY OBNOXIOUS. SHIT!
Automated porch turrets with facial recognition software. You can set down a box no problem but if you pick one up… Hoo boy, welcome to the future motherfucker.
“Please put down the package. You have twenty seconds to comply.”
Twenty seconds is a long time if you’re running.
“Tranquilizer deployed. If you are a valid box picker upper, drink your antidote verification can or you will be packaged for quick police pickup in about 12 - 96 hours.”
Version 1 will have an infinite loop because no one remembered to give the police antidote verification cans for when they arrive to pick up the thief boxes.
“You have twenty seconds to comply” is a reference to ED-209 from RoboCop.
I’ve thought about this, but like with water guns loaded with concentrated liquid stink