AND (because it won’t fit in the title) In no way should the granting of this wish involve the country of Turkey or the broader Turkic peoples.
Granted. But you didn’t say you wanted it for free, so you’ll need to pay for it like everyone else in this deli. And there’s a queue, so wait your turn.
I legitimately laughed out loud. Well done.
Granted, but it’s a little dry.
I know this is obnoxiously pedantic but the link you provide says the 666 meats come from the same animal.
BED OF EVIL AND LETTUCE
And sun dried tomatoes
I took those out. Eurgh. Who eats those?!
Granted. It’s… Fine. It’s a fairly serviceable sandwich. Nothing wrong with it, but nothing particularly earthbreaking.
You are filled with a sense of regret. Disappointment, even. You were hoping for more, even if it was just an interesting story. But no, you spent one of your limited wishes on just a sandwich.
Fine. A turkey sandwich on rye bread, with 50 heads of lettuce, and 50 gallons of mustard dropped on your head from 50 feet.
Granted. It’s a decent sandwich.
But by trying to game the paw, you have brought the pedantic wrath of it upon yourself. No weird surprises? Only mundane surprises for you, then. Your identity gets stolen and it takes weeks of being on hold for hours to deal with. You lose 10k in a scam. You find out your friend group has a group chat without you in it. Your laptop battery gets puffy. Your refrigerator stops working 3 days after the warranty expires. Your left knee hurts in a new way. You get lots of stains in your clothing. You get bitten by a mosquito on a hard to reach place on you. An animal you think is nifty gets put on the endangered species list. There’s a hair in the next meal you have out. The next time you get in a wheeled vehicle, it gets a flat tire. These sorts of things continue until they’re no longer surprises. Then your penance is over.
Granted.
The meat is Turkey Vulture stomach wall. The acid in the meat dissolves your teeth.
Wish granted, a finger curls on the monkey’s paw. As the Turkish diaspora has a presence in every country the U.S. gets rye from, this particular rye must have been grown elsewhere. India has a somewhat suitable climate, a negligible (modern) Turkish population, but no current rye industry. In order for this rye to have reached you from there, the past was altered such that rye started catching on in India 60 years ago, just enough time for a burgeoning niche crop market to have developed by now. Rye grown in India is now preferred in some of the fancier U.S. deli sandwiches, like yours. It’s said to have a more complex flavor profile.
Unfortunately, due to the variety of weed species present and the climate favorable to them, weeding rye fields in India is a bit of a nightmare. GEAC (the Genetic Engineering Appraisal Committee) authorized the exploration of genetically modified rye in the 90s, to develop more productive and herbicide-resistant strains of the crop. In a turn nobody could possibly have ever predicted, however, the modified rye became much too hardy. It could out-compete nearly any other plant. Having only been introduced in 2008, by 2020 the spread was rampant enough to cause international alarm. Entire ecosystems had collapsed. Today, global environmental devastation from rye overgrowth is a real possibility.
Fortunately, there are so many looming apocalypses that the news in your area has barely covered this one. You have no idea any of this is happening. Even if you did, as soon as you made your wish, circumstances became such that this had always been the case. No surprises there. The imaginary audience watches on as you take a bite of your delicious sandwich and smile, the end credits start rolling, the outro theme plays.
You choke to death on the sandwich
You get your exact sandwich as specified but an asteroid hits the earth once you finish it
deleted by creator
