(My app doesn’t allow marking posts as NSFW. I don’t know whether this should be considered NSFW or not, but I can’t mark it anyway. I’ll sign in on desktop later, if need be. An admin can also do the courtesy of marking it for me. Thank you, regardless.)
Sorry if this is all a little disorganised.
2025 has been a good year for me, despite everything. I’ve made my first attempts to meet new people, thanks to guidance from people on this very platform, and things are finally looking up. I feel productive and somewhat healthy. I feel like I’m in a position to help others, even though things look bleak for all of us.
Except for one problem.
I use drugs more than any of my friends. I’m the only one who’s done DXM, for instance, and I constantly read about new things to try. I’d do opium, even, given the chance. So, that’s the problem, then. I do drugs.
No. No, it isn’t, actually.
The actual problem is that I put so much effort into research, so much effort into considering what’s actually safe to use, so much effort into making sure I don’t overuse them, so much effort into considering doses, so much effort to make sure it doesn’t impact others negatively, so much effort. That’s despite their history of being upset towards me, and nobody cares. My friends constantly pester me for taking a “dark path”, and every argument I make to try to object to that results in me being called some form of disabled, or immature, or stupid. One outlier online even called me multiple slurs, claiming my actual mental disorders are also completely fake.
Here’s a good question that should be pretty easy to answer. Which one’s hurting me more? The drugs, or the people? Because the problem certainly isn’t the one that actually keeps me in a good, level-headed, sane headspace, that I use with care–and absolutely the one causing me all this mental turmoil in the first place.
Drugs are a human right. I have a right to determine what goes in my body, and I’ve been exceptionally careful, thanks to the help I was never given. I helped myself. I was suicidal, I pursued DIY psychedelic therapy, and now I find myself on a journey that I couldn’t be happier with.
Yet none of that is enough.
Perhaps more science than I’ve provided already will be enough. Maybe the two week break I’m on will satisfy them. Maybe I should spell it out–their drugphobia, and unwillingness to accept different viewpoints, or consider my history, strongly mirrors homophobia and transphobia.
Let me make a point. They all drink alcohol. Alcohol is more addictive, and harmful to the user and others (in the form of drunk driving), and is considerably more dangerous than heroin. Yet, they’ll criticise me for using poppers, despite the fact that poppers are considered safer, according to Drug Science, than any other drug they looked in to. That’s safer than magic mushrooms, possibly the safest drug in existence, arguably. It’s the most widely accepted risk index in the world. Mind you, some of these friends have also used nicotine, too. Also far more dangerous than what I do. I have as well, of course, but I’m considering not using nicotine or alcoholic products ever, not even on occasion. That’s in contrast to them. Alcohol hurts the body, and drinking less simply slows the process. None of the drugs I use have such a long-term negative effect.
I’m also the only one that estimates my BAC with a calculator every time, but whatever. Thanks for that suggestion, S.
They have no right to criticise me for the very same thing they do on a regular basis. We even smoke weed, and nobody has a problem with it. Probably because it’s not taboo enough… anymore.
It’s hypocrisy, because I’ve actually been safer than them, despite using a wider variety of substances.
I have a small handful of people who’ve been actually supportive, including someone I had just met. They applaud me for the effort I’ve put in to stay safe, and I’m glad to have those kind of people in my life. Some of them have been through incredibly rough patches (it seems like these types are the few with empathy, anymore). Some of them are just open minded. Regardless of their background, though, it’s clear that they’re far more empathetic than some of the people in my primary friend group.
I’m angry, and it’s caused by the very people claiming to “help” me. They aren’t helping. They’re outright berating and slandering me, and at this point, I’m considering simply dropping them. However, I’m a productive person, and simply walking away from my problems is unacceptable by my standards. There’s a peaceful resolution to this, and I intend to find it.
I’m not wrong, am I? As much as I’ve been gaslit over the years, I still think I can see through it all–through all the self doubt, all the people who claimed I’d never be enough. Despite all of that, I’m not suicidal, or even depressed.
So please tell me I’m right. Thanks for reading all this, if you did.
You’re basically me in my early 20’s.
I’ve been making the exact same points for twenty years. Literally.
All it’s managed to get me is social isolation.
People are extremely hypocritical, and cowardly. I went to an evening college once in my twenties and the teacher of psychology & religion complained about me to the headmaster, lol.
The teacher once said, after class, silently to me, that “you can’t talk about such things, there are minors in the class”. (This is before he complained about me to the hm.) I pointed out to him that in the next classroom (history) kids are being taught about Nazis. Like I had to point out to a supposedly professional “academic” in a sense and he didn’t even understand the idea. Like so strong is the anti-drug propaganda that he’s literally afraid to even talk about drugs, even though they’re a massive part of both psychology and religion.
It’s not an easy road to walk this.
I tried literally all the drugs in my twenties, didn’t shoot up though, but like I’ve inhaled sketchy stimulants off of foil. I’ve never recreationally done opiates but I have received fentanyl and have popped Oxys when I broke an arm.
Now now I haven’t done anything except weed for years. Well, anything illegal. I would like to buy laughing gas, but that and LSD got a bit out of hand when I was 27 and that’s pretty much my only ever where my drug use genuinely got out of hand, but it was due to a work burn-out and not receiving any fucking care even though I went to see several doctors.
So self-medication can be a bit more risky than assigned medication, but it can also be much better if the doctors are shit.
I’ve never had an addiction to anything except weed and beer. Well laughing gas, arguably the worst, but it goes away as fast as it comes on. It’s called hippy crack for a reason though. It’s pretty safe to abuse for an evening or two every few months, but doing it very regularly and in high doses and you’ll ruin your central nervous system. So as long as you don’t polish off a few boxes a day for weeks on row without (or even with really) B-vitamin supplementation, it’s safe as houses, pharmacologically. Probably biggest risk is burns you’ll get from the cold capsules when chaining them.
I’ve also been on benzos for years now, but I have literally zero addiction to them. Many people develop horrible addictions to benzos, but me? Nothing. I might run out and I don’t even notice until the next time I eat something which doesn’t agree with me and the continued discomfort usually makes me take one. I know what addiction feels like and I don’t have any craving whatsoever to those.
The ambien is a bit different, I do like the effect. (Actually it’s past midnight and I have a doctor’s tomorrow so that’s good enough an excuse to pop a half. Mmm, Ambien.
But yeah no you’re definitely not wrong at all. Responsible and reliable non-risky non-addicted recreational drug users do exist. But most of them are cowards and would never admit publicly to using drugs. Like I’d say definitely all heads of State in Europe have seen illegal drug use without saying shit and most have probably indulged at one point or another. Elon is abusing ketamine, openly fucking tripping balls at the inauguration.
Literally all bank notes have traces of cocaine on them, pretty much. A vast majority, that’s for absolute certainty.
I have my own version of McKenna’s Stoned Ape Theory (don’t look at the joe rogan ones that’s crass and reductive when they talk about it, listen to the one from actually Terence McKenna from some talks he did in the 90’s. Just youtube and pick your bit there’s shorter ones and longer ones.
But yeah, we face hard discrimination. But I think I got banned from Reddit for even daring to bring up the fact that it really makes no difference if I suck a cock or a bong in the privacy of my own house, and the latter is legal to do around here.
Then it’s “oh but you’re destroying your brain” even if that was the case (and with my usage it’s not and never was aside from that month in 2016), we have several sports in which the aim is to affect your opponent in a way to render them unconscious, by either a blow or by cutting off blood to their brain. And that’s completely legal.
There literally isn’t a single argument that supports the prohibition of drugs. I have maintained for more than 15 years (took me a while to grow out of my weed only legal position) that all types of drugs need to be made available legally to responsible users.
And the amount of problems that would fucking fix is literally incredible to most people. As in the literally will not believe even when hard facts are brought to the table.
It’s a massive fucking global market that’s going completely untaxed, and literally funding violent crime because those are the only things any conflicts in the trades can be solved; hard violence.
If it was legal, no fucking need, use the courts.
Imagine what South-America would look like if it had zero cartels and instead it provided legally all the world’s cocaine. It would be a booming business economy, and without any of the fucking criminals, because pretty much all crime is connected with drug crime. If some criminal organisation does robberies, they would definitely be selling drugs on the side. Robberies are a fuck lot riskier.
Gang crime? All of that is basically just motivated for “turf wars” and shit and it’s all funded by drugs.
Cut off funding to practically all criminals in the world.
And I really think everyone should go to an electronic music event at least once in their life on ecstasy or serotonergic substance of their own choosing. I genuinely believe that annual therapy with a strong serotonergic substance might have been what enabled humanity.
My theory is that you’d have your group of 50-100 people or so but since inbreeding is bad, once a year at midsummer you go to the same place to meet loads of other groups. And because humans are sort of averse to strangers in a natural state, you take mushrooms, which enable empathy and prosociality.
And since you go back there every year, might as well build shit there. And when you had built quite a lot there might be one dude who is left to tend to the party place during the year when everyone else is out. And so then you’d like to grow some plants maybe because you won’t need to go far from the party place. That’s how humanity started settlements, in my belief. And there is quite a lot of proof that we settled down before the invention of agriculture instead of the other way around. Well not proof. Good theories.
And if you’ve ever visited like a large party where literally everyone is on ecstasy or an equivalent. Uh, so peaceful and feels so safe that I once walked up to a guy in those full body spandex suits. I looked him where his eyes would be, and then very gently gave his testicles a little “honk honk”. He then, very calmly, did the exact same thing to me. I bid him a fine evening and continued on, feeling very respected.
Big guys who are clearly on roids run into you and start profusely apologising and seeing whether you’re okay.
Unlike in a normal nightclub, where the same guy would probably instantly start a fight, drunk as fuck and high on speed /cocaine (which are dopaminergic, meaning they’re sort of “colder” drugs because they don’t affect serotonin, just dopamine.)
I hope you manage to keep your friends.
Maybe make like an info package showing that your take is the future. And also remind them of me telling you that it just seems you’re in your research and experimentation phase, which I had in my teens and early twenties. But now I’ve grown out of it. I would like to go to like Germany and see the clubscene and would prolly do some stimulants. But I haven’t in years.
You just can’t pretend the propaganda is real. You have empathy and intelligence and curiosity and you’ve discovered what utter utter anti-humanist bullshit this global war on drugs is.
We as a society would be so much better off if we has a wider selection of substances than just alcohol and nicotine. And to remind you, alcohol is literally only legal because the prohibition failed so hard. Organised crime, more drinking, harder drinking. Now there’s no Al Capone running around shooting people with Tommy guns, because there’s a more or less reputable system for regulating alcohol. Just the fact that you know what you take and how much, as you always know the strength and volume of a given drink, roughly. You can’t do that, currently, with powders for example. I mean an experienced person will know roughly how strong something is and how much to take. But imagine how hard it would be to use alcohol safely if “going for one” might mean that you end up with a tiny glass of some almost alcohol free ale, or you get a pint of moonshine. Of course with booze it’s pretty easy to tell between moonshine and a low alc beer, but it’s less so with pills of ecstasy for instance. You just pop a half and trust its somewhat okay. Using ecstasy is still pretty damn safe, but if we keep the comparison with alcohol, if alcohol was like that, you’d have people passing out mid speech due to having taken way too strong a drink and probably die of alcohol poisoning, whereas the worst is dehydration on ecstasy while rolling too hard, which might cause a very unpleasant few hours as you get cooled down. Serotonin syndrome really isn’t in any sort of way a statistically significant risk. And it’s only slightly statistically significant for people with SSRI, honestly, as people still think some people are using an older type of mood medication, MAOi, which would put you at a significantly increased risk of overdose and serotonin syndrome. People don’t really use those anymore, so SSRI’s just sort of mute the effects a little bit, although not the side effects.
I ramble and reached the char limit right about hereeeeeeeeeeee
But ramblings aside you are correct and there’s too few of us.
You might lose your regular friends, unless you manage to pretend to believe in prohibition again.
Of course your terminology will develop. For instance I used to like provoking people a little bit with this sometimes (I am an arsehole pretty often), saying “all drugs need to be legalised” whereas what I’m actually trying to communicate is “we must radically and globally reform laws concerning illicit recreational substances.”
If someone doesn’t agree with that statement then they are either ignorant of the subject or directly profiting off of the industry.
Like our chief of police in Finland who’s now sitting a ten stretch or something for his massive nationwide hash import empire. I remember that hash and it was good. Butthash, we called it, because it was in swallowable sized pieces and came out more or less like a turds. 10g pieces Imo. Like if you had bad constipation thats about what dem looked like, but smooth.
Anyways that was just an example of the hypocrisy of people supposedly “dealing with the problem”.
Sorry I got a little rambly but eh, yours was long as well so tit for tat I guess
Listen to this guy. The whole video is good but I linked that to show his mission statement basically which he says at the end.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_TV4GuXFoA&t=715