• TootSweet@lemmy.worldEnglish
    1126·
    24 days ago

    So many folks in this thread saying they have to be high to tolerate their families. What’s the point of even attending a holiday family get-together if you can’t stand them? (Just get high at home with a couple of friends who also can’t stand their families.)

    • surewhynotlem@lemmy.world
      53·
      24 days ago

      Sometimes people’s support systems are full of jerks. It sucks, but you can get stuck being dependent on family

    • RegalPotoo@lemmy.worldEnglish
      44·
      24 days ago

      Can’t speak to others’ motivations, but my wife had to “keep the peace” with her grandparents by seeing them on Christmas, even though they were awful people who took pleasure in bullying and belittling her mum. If we didn’t show up on Christmas for an hour or two and put up with some snide comments and a few “I’m only joking don’t be so serious”, then her mum would have to put up with months of full on abuse.

      We didn’t need substances to cope with it, but I can totally see how people might feel like a drink or a toke with some family they do enjoy socialising with could make it easier to be with family they don’t enjoy spending time with, but feel obligated to to avoid hurt feelings.

      For whatever reason my mother in law didn’t just cut contact and leave them to die alone in their crappy little house surrounded by their hate and resentment and friends who also couldn’t stand them. Thankfully they are dead now, so we don’t have to put up with them.

    • JackbyDev@programming.devEnglish
      331·
      23 days ago

      For these people, tolerating family for a day is better than having to deal with the shit from not going.

      • Infynis@midwest.socialEnglish
        37·
        24 days ago

        My mom was in this situation. Her dad was an abusive asshole, but his mom was a tyrant, and would disown my mom if she went no-contact. This was a big deal, because her grandparents owned an auto manufacturer. Like, private plane flights across the state for breakfast on weekends rich. And now, here I am…planeless. But with a shitton of respect for my mom

        • dalekcaan@lemm.ee
          18·
          23 days ago

          Good on your mom. Lots of people say they’d pass on the money in that situation, but it takes a lot of chutzpah to go through with it.

      • kabi@lemm.ee
        4·
        23 days ago

        Since you linked to Miniminuteman, I assume you are familiar with the excellent Brad Hafford of Artifactually Speaking who dunked on corrected some of Milo’s mistakes in a video, and they later collabbed. Archaeology right from the trenches! (I thought I’d mention him anyway, here’s a link, too)

      • Dragon Rider (drag)@lemmy.nzEnglish
        22·
        23 days ago

        Jean-Paul Sartre says that human beings are imbued with radical freedom, which is the ability to do whatever you want. Society can’t take away the freedoms you have within your own mind, regardless of social manners or coercion.

        For example, you could approach the bad family members in private the day before Thanksgiving, and tell a lie that you’re all going to have dinner at a restaurant because the oven broke. It only works once, but it sends an appropriate message.

    • 🇰 🌀 🇱 🇦 🇳 🇦 🇰 ℹ️@yiffit.netEnglish
      15·
      23 days ago

      They may be assholes, but they know how to cook and they have hella food.

      My super Christian aunt and uncle were the ones always hosting thanksgiving. But mysteriously after I came out of the closet, my family stopped getting invited.

  • Geometrinen_Gepardi
    591·
    24 days ago

    I don’t get how this is a thing for Americans. How are you not destroyed by anxiety and paranoia if you go get stoned before having dinner with all your relatives?

    • qprimed@lemmy.mlEnglish
      48·
      24 days ago

      I imagine, sometimes, its the only way to cope with them. some people get paranoid, some do not. setting and grounding play important roles in this.

      • DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social
        5·
        23 days ago

        You don’t need people in your life you don’t feel safe around. I know that’s emotionally easy for the uninvolved to say (and quite frankly my family’s pretty great all things considered) but it’s also true.

        • FeelzGoodMan420@eviltoast.orgEnglish
          5·
          23 days ago

          Oh i feel incredibly safe around my family. They’re super supportive. I love them. But they give me anxiety due to other factors. Those things aren’t mutually exclusive ha.

    • Plastic_Ramses@lemmy.world
      21·
      24 days ago

      For the most part, everyone knows what happens on “the walk” nowadays.

      My cousins and i go on a walk because we dont want our younger sibling/cousins/nieces/newphews to see.

      • MutilationWave@lemmy.world
        2·
        23 days ago

        Three years ago I got high with my 18 year old nephew at Thanksgiving at my place. We were sitting on the porch, family in the next room. Didn’t think at the time I was sitting back to back basically with his grandma.

        We came back in and she says oh was that some “good shit” or not?

    • PerogiBoi@lemmy.ca
      21·
      24 days ago

      I use cannabis daily for several years. You get used to being in public high and it becomes less scary and panic inducing.

      When I visit my family I must be fried. I can go on several week long vacations without cannabis but the moment my family is near I must be fried for my own remaining sanity.

    • Rekorse@sh.itjust.works
      8·
      23 days ago

      By already being used to being stoned, most likely.

      Also the paranoia and anxiety doesnt happen to everyone. Some people want the loss of control to a degree, and the spontaneity it can bring to social situations.

      Probably depends on whether you need to hide it or not as well. Here its legal and noone cares if I go smoke on the porch and come back in.

      • redisdead@lemmy.world
        31·
        22 days ago

        The “I can’t deal with my relatives when sober” crowd are just addicts looking to justify their addiction.

        The truth is they would get high anyways.

        • Rekorse@sh.itjust.works
          21·
          22 days ago

          Sort of true! If the benefits outweigh the negatives, cannabis can be more like medicine, but I will admit most dont look at it that way no matter if its beneficial or not.

    • Grandwolf319@sh.itjust.works
      8·
      23 days ago

      Depends on the vibe. If them finding out is game over then yeah full anxiety.

      If it’s one of those things that they can tell but look the other way… then it’s just good family time!

    • TOModera@lemmy.world
      6·
      24 days ago

      I can speak to this (Canadian, we have Thanksgiving in October, i get high because parts of my family are hard right Conservatives): If I get stoned for dinner (after preparing dinner), I don’t feel like shit when people rag on the food or bring up trash political takes. Being high makes me calmer.

      Also I don’t care if people know I’m high, so that helps.

      If I do stay sober, I have to hear how minorities are ruining the country and be accused of poisoning people by not making a healthy meal… which makes me anxious.

      • Dragon Rider (drag)@lemmy.nzEnglish
        43·
        23 days ago

        Do you worry that the weed impairs your ability to produce effective counterarguments? Drag wouldn’t want to go into a situation like that without being on drag’s A game. Thanksgiving can be one of your few chances each year to argue with your relatives, so drag tries very hard to avoid wasting it.

        • Rekorse@sh.itjust.works
          1·
          23 days ago

          Changing relatives minds can be far more difficult than changing strangers minds. I would not hold it against an activist who doesnt argue with family. Also thanksgiving is not the time for it really, its easier to deflect into silly jokes or tangents that have nothing to do with politics, and then say bye see you next year.

          • Dragon Rider (drag)@lemmy.nzEnglish
            11·
            23 days ago

            What’s the point of staying in touch with fascist relatives if you’re not trying to deradicalise them? The relationship has no other value.

            • Rekorse@sh.itjust.works
              1·
              22 days ago

              I’m not sure Thanksgiving counts as staying in touch, but family gatherings are meant to be inclusive, and Thanksgiving specifically is for setting aside differences (theoretically at least).

              I suppose it depends what you mean by deradicalizing them? I’d say calling them names is a bad start but maybe you are more polite in person.

              • Dragon Rider (drag)@lemmy.nzEnglish
                11·
                22 days ago

                Thanksgiving specifically is for setting aside differences

                Drag supposes that’s why it didn’t lead to lasting peace between the Americans and the invaders. Ignoring your differences doesn’t actually solve problems. Thanks for explaining the fundamental problem with Thanksgiving.

                Drag thinks even if the holiday has a legacy of failure, it could still be transformed into something worthwhile if we all put in some work. Maybe one day Thanksgiving could be about discussing and resolving your differences.

                • Rekorse@sh.itjust.works
                  1·
                  22 days ago

                  I have no idea what thanksgiving meant hundreds of years ago. I’m aware that the natives and colonizers did not get along great back then but that has nothing to do with thanksgiving today.

                  Today, its generally about getting together and having a nice meal and giving thanks (being positive).

                  Also, the day being worthless for you, only affects you. It still has worth for everyone else who assign it worth. You haven’t stumbled upon some universal fact, its just an opinion.

                  You likely could find people who share your opinion and get together with them and all have some sort of Thanksgiving group debate if you’d like.

  • Supervisor194@lemmy.world
    15·
    23 days ago

    I wish this worked for me. I don’t get paranoid or anxious, but it just doesn’t relax me at all. I basically feel no actual body effect, except my heart starts racing. Like, for hours. My eyes get like in the picture, but it’s not cute, it’s painful. I also get ravenously hungry. Like if it wasn’t for my racing heart and bleary eyes I couldn’t focus on anything else but shoving shit into my mouth. I get confused of course, which - duh - but I can’t even focus on enjoying the daze because of all the suffering.

    Guess I’m stuck with booze on the holidays.

  • NutWrench@lemmy.mlEnglish
    121·
    23 days ago

    I’m glad I’m old enough to not give even the tiniest crap about holiday “traditions” and making allowances for people I hate.

  • Pacattack57@lemmy.world
    91·
    23 days ago

    I never liked weed. I just tell my family off when their crossing lines. I don’t have the patience to hear the crazy aunt complain about Biden or another family member. Shut up and be grateful. It’s literally twice a year we have to put up with each other.