Yeesh. This guy has come to the conclusion that you can’t learn how to behave normally and that’s it’s a given trait. I think I see where their lack of success comes from.
Yup. I’ve seen plenty of conventionally unattractive dudes with really good looking wives. So why did the woman choose him? Because he’s genuinely a pretty rad dude and treats her properly.
Yeah, like in what world can you not learn to change your personality? I mean, sure, it’s not always easy, but you always have a choice in how you present yourself.
It’s pretty much locked in once you hit your teens. You can nudge it a little, you can change how you present yourself but your personality is what you are. And you cannot change that significantly. Just try changing your core values, your ethics. Can you start believing and feeling like murder and rape is ethical?
I’m not sure how accurate this is but I’ve read it in a scientific article some time ago. In particular, it highlighted the connection to how likely people are to commit crimes based on personality and brain structure alone and whether you can actually be held responsible for crimes since there is at least some determinism.
Maybe I’m in the minority, but I feel like I’ve had several radical changes in personality through life. I’m not the person I was when I was a teenager. I’m wildly different from who I was in my 20s.
As I’ve grown and learned about myself and the world, I’ve become more empathetic. That’s definitely had a mellowing effect to my personality.
That said, I agree that you can’t suppress your identity. You might try to push it down and repress it, but some things you just can’t change about yourself. But your personality is in your brain, and the brain is plastic.
But at the end of the day, all a person needs to do to have a pleasant personality is not be an asshole. If a person can’t restrain themself from being an asshole, then they’re probably not interested in developing their personality.
Counterpoint: a lot of the time, no one actually tells you why they don’t want to be your friend. People want to be polite and avoid talking about your negative traits, but they end up just perpetuating them because you don’t know how to improve.
In addition, not everyone has a choice in how they present themselves. If someone has a physical or mental disability they might slur words, put weird emphasis on words, or do other things that disturb other people.
Fair point. How can anyone learn if they don’t know what they need to learn?
I hadn’t considered disability. Maybe “present yourself” wasn’t the best choice of words - maybe “conduct yourself” would suit better. And all I really mean by that is that if you think you’re perpetuating a toxic trait then you can take notice of when it happens and strive to improve.
i think people can change in their teenage years by the forced interaction in a small social environment at school. but once they reach adulthood, anyone in need of further personal growth just isolates and festers in their ways, avoiding confrontations that could prove them wrong. here’s to hoping that you who scrolled this far down in this lemmy thread make an unlikely friend when you least expect it and become a little better than before 😎👍
My attitude has definitely evolved and imo improved in the decades between 20s and 40s.
Lots of events and just time can contribute to it. But if you’ve joined a community that’s telling you it can’t get better, you might not be able to work on making it better, or even end up in situations that might change you for the better.
Yeesh. This guy has come to the conclusion that you can’t learn how to behave normally and that’s it’s a given trait. I think I see where their lack of success comes from.
Yup. I’ve seen plenty of conventionally unattractive dudes with really good looking wives. So why did the woman choose him? Because he’s genuinely a pretty rad dude and treats her properly.
Or a massive scholng and magic fingers.
Yeah, like in what world can you not learn to change your personality? I mean, sure, it’s not always easy, but you always have a choice in how you present yourself.
It’s pretty much locked in once you hit your teens. You can nudge it a little, you can change how you present yourself but your personality is what you are. And you cannot change that significantly. Just try changing your core values, your ethics. Can you start believing and feeling like murder and rape is ethical?
I’m not sure how accurate this is but I’ve read it in a scientific article some time ago. In particular, it highlighted the connection to how likely people are to commit crimes based on personality and brain structure alone and whether you can actually be held responsible for crimes since there is at least some determinism.
Maybe I’m in the minority, but I feel like I’ve had several radical changes in personality through life. I’m not the person I was when I was a teenager. I’m wildly different from who I was in my 20s.
As I’ve grown and learned about myself and the world, I’ve become more empathetic. That’s definitely had a mellowing effect to my personality.
That said, I agree that you can’t suppress your identity. You might try to push it down and repress it, but some things you just can’t change about yourself. But your personality is in your brain, and the brain is plastic.
But at the end of the day, all a person needs to do to have a pleasant personality is not be an asshole. If a person can’t restrain themself from being an asshole, then they’re probably not interested in developing their personality.
Counterpoint: a lot of the time, no one actually tells you why they don’t want to be your friend. People want to be polite and avoid talking about your negative traits, but they end up just perpetuating them because you don’t know how to improve.
In addition, not everyone has a choice in how they present themselves. If someone has a physical or mental disability they might slur words, put weird emphasis on words, or do other things that disturb other people.
Fair point. How can anyone learn if they don’t know what they need to learn?
I hadn’t considered disability. Maybe “present yourself” wasn’t the best choice of words - maybe “conduct yourself” would suit better. And all I really mean by that is that if you think you’re perpetuating a toxic trait then you can take notice of when it happens and strive to improve.
i think people can change in their teenage years by the forced interaction in a small social environment at school. but once they reach adulthood, anyone in need of further personal growth just isolates and festers in their ways, avoiding confrontations that could prove them wrong. here’s to hoping that you who scrolled this far down in this lemmy thread make an unlikely friend when you least expect it and become a little better than before 😎👍
My attitude has definitely evolved and imo improved in the decades between 20s and 40s.
Lots of events and just time can contribute to it. But if you’ve joined a community that’s telling you it can’t get better, you might not be able to work on making it better, or even end up in situations that might change you for the better.