$3 million in an risk managed investment fund would make more in investment income than I make for work. So I’d retire, go feral, and forget that there are languages.

Money speaks whatever language you want

What about dead languages, would I be able to decipher the Voynich manuscript? Are created languages like Klingon included?

Three million so I can put a down payment on a house and buy some groceries.

Every language. Then I’d start a YouTube channel where I go talk to small business owners in big cities in their native dialects and blow their minds like Xioma.

It depends, and I have a lot of questions. Without good answers, I’d take 3 Million USD, assuming it’s above board.

Can I only speak them, or can I understand them, too?

Are dead languages included? Can I read Linear A, for example?

What about if someone has really bad handwriting - can I understand what they were going for? Likewise, what if part of the text is missing?

Are the various body languages of different cultures and subcultures included? What about individual people with unconscious tells - would those become apparent to me, such that I could easily tell if someone were bluffing or lying?

Is jargon included? What about codes, like “10-4?” What about ciphers? Slang, subtext, euphemisms?

Could I also understand and speak to animals?

What enables me to speak and understand a language / to know that I have that capability for a given language? Do I need to know the language exists, do I need to hear/read it, be in a place where it’s relevant (i.e., if I’m trying to talk to someone who isn’t speaking, and they know Snokenili, which I’ve never before encountered, I might suddenly have knowledge of it pop into my head), or do I just get every language immediately?

Are fantasy languages, like Klingon and Sindarin (one of Tolkien’s elvish languages) included? If so, are they only included if they meet a certain threshold (i.e., at least one person being able to speak them) or can I speak them and understand them as soon as someone thinks about them?

If extraterrestrial aliens are real, would I be able to speak and understand their languages?

If I can only speak languages that exist and don’t need it to be triggered by someone who can speak that language, it might be feasible to confirm the existence of aliens simply by being able to speak a language that couldn’t have come from Earth, and that would be pretty cool. I’d take that over $3MM.

Obviously $3m

Speak every language. The historical and linguistic value would vastly outweigh a measly 3mil.

Languages for sure, but I’m lucky enough to make “enough” money already. 3m would be amazing but it would be so fun to be able to speak to anyone! I could find several ways to use that skill.

3 mil and I’d retire immediately and buy myself an island.

I may not be able to speak many languages, but you know what they say…money talks.

Gimme the $3 million.

Didn’t you see the other meme? Take the cash and put it in an 8% treasury bond!

Money.

I live in the middle of North America. I could literally drive 900 miles in any direction and still not need to know a second language, much less all of them. Although to be fair that far north I might run out of people if any kind to talk to.

I would take like, $30K over every language. $3M is a no-brainer.

With $3MM I can retire and learn all the languages I want in my free time.

Wait, “3m dollars” is three millidollars, or 0.3¢ … I’ll take the languages, then.