Members of the Florida Senate quickly passed a new bill last night that will allow teachers K-12 to publicly pistol whip students who are late to class, confirmed sources who admitted they were jealous of a new Tennessee Senate bill allowing teachers concealed carry weapons.
The Onion sent their journalists to the future to do actual journalistic work and sent them back to us to deliver news as satire. You can’t convince me they do it any differently. Too many Onion articles turned out surprisingly close to home over time.