Hey!
I don’t know where to ask this question but I think I will give it a shot here, under men.
I never was close with my brother but we saw each other every few months at parties, festivals etc. Two years ago his wife and him got a son and at that time I was planning so many things (new job, house construction planning) so I only made it like once a month to him. He lives about 32 kilometers one way from my home, so not too far and too close for me.
Now a half a year ago our house finally came and we have to do all the indoor work (framing construction, drywalls, everything.) and I have no time to visit him. If I do find time I could visit him I choose to play video games to relax or simpley do nothing.
He never asked to help me with my house and I still visit him once every 2 months and give his son presents but I just don’t have the energy to visit him.
It’s kind of a weird relationship. We don’t dislike each other. My mother visits him every monday but they never talk with each other. My mom gets ignored by him and if he talks it’s mostly begging indirectly for money, clothes, the house… (my mom will own her mothers house when my grandma no longer lives) and he keeps saying: “If only we had a house and not an apartment” etc. so he isn’t asking for the house but my mom feels like he is trying to say he wants the house cause my mom wouldn’t need such a big house for herself.
I told my mom to not give it to him, he never visits her and he never visits my grandma with his child.
I don’t know what to do with my brother. He is older if this changes anything. If I wouldn’t call or write him he wouldn’t - atleast I don’t think so. The longest I haven’t wrote him was three months and he didn’t write in that time or call so I gave up and called him that I am stopping by if he is home. Was there for an hour and left again.
That road goes both ways. Do you invite your brother over? Relationships, even family ones (sometimes especially family ones), need to be worked on. They aren’t just some magical thing like back in school as a kid where you are forced to be around your family and/or friends pretty much daily.
I told him two times that he can come over but nothing ever happend. My mom said that he told her that he doesn’t come cause gas is to expensive.
But it’s weird cause he can come over to our town and park his car at the house but leave to his friends and party. My mom said he was at the bank but didn’t bring his son so she could watch for the kid in that time. He left without stopping by even though he saw my mother was at home (her car was next to him).
I think first you should articulate to yourself how this makes you feel. You didn’t mention feelings at all in your post.
Then, once you’ve figured that out for yourself, tell him too.