Especially if your existence is a constant failure… When you own nothing, you have no future, job and no woman wants you (and you still a virgin as an old adult)… Recently I’ve feeling suicidal again, I don’t think I have the courage to do it, which makes this worse,I can’t even stop this from messing with me.
Sorry if you are bothered by this but I’m feeling really rotten. Just… Don’t tell me to get help, that’s not a possibility. I’m getting tired of just waking up alive.
My mantra for the dark days is “well, it’s not like I care, might as well stick around and see if something interesting happens”.
The things that make me enjoy life, certain people, good books, video games, positive world events, in a way even negative world events, as I am fascinated by humanity and our story, do keep happening.
There can he difficult periods in-between, and during them I just keep reminding myself that ending it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
As for relationships, those are hard. There’s a chicken and egg problem there, where you have to be with people to learn to get people, but to be with people, you kind have to get people. So getting into it can be a huge pain.
It’s also very rewarding. And it is one of the things you can ABSOLUTELY find help with. Not from pickup artists, but just by asking people about it, and having conversations about hypothetical and real situations. Lots of people find the subject of people one of the most interesting there is, and while you’re at it, you’ll be developing your interaction skills.