I’ve noticed I have a problem with not noticing people’s bad intentions until I’m well into an interaction or relationship, and not having good ways to respond when I do notice. Some of this may be brain, but I think much of it is habitual from things I was taught in my upbringing that don’t work well in the world.
Has anyone successfully figured this one out? I’ve done a ton of work on myself and gotten a lot wiser, but I still keep falling into the same trap of giving my good faith time and words to people who are semiblatantly trying to take advantage of me, are asking questions in bad faith, or are just generally being kinda mean or creepy to me. Once I do notice, it’s usually gotten to a point where it’s a little costlier to exit the situation than I think it would be if I had noticed right away. It still happens even when I feel cynical or don’t like/trust someone.
Any way to avoid this in the future? I guess I feel like I need a good reason to think “fuck this person.” It’s hard for me to react to it in the moment when it’s not clear to me a)what they’re doing and b)how to effectively shut it down or extricate myself.
I don’t have a good answer for you, and my way of handling it is probably not the best way, but I thought I’d chime-in here. I was always this way also. I was very friendly and wanted to help people so was taken advantage of a lot. I’m old now, but over the years what ended up happening is that nowadays I assume from the start that someone is trying to get something over on me until proven otherwise. It’s a terrible way of looking at things and definitely is not good for your mental health. I don’t recommend that route. Don’t be like me.