• 93 Posts
  • 86 Comments
Joined 2 years ago
Cake day: January 29th, 2022
  • sascuach@lemmy.mlOPtoAsklemmy@lemmy.ml•When do you miss your ex?
    3·
    2 years ago

    Unfortunately many women will not be physically affectionate with men because many men misread this sign

    I think it’s mostly due to societal expectation. Ex even me, for the most part, I have very little understanding of being close emotionally or physically with someone and not dating them. Like I can theorize about it, but it’s just theories in my head, since i have basically no real experience of this. Sounds like the life you’ve lived/other ppl in the same community would be an interesting work of fiction. Aliens in like avengers movies are pretty much just typical society copy and pasted by with a skin change.

    I would never be offended if someone came to me and said something along the lines of

    I dig it. But in my life, both men and women would be offended if i said this to them haha. But i’ll ponder on this for a while and see if i can come up with a modification i could use.

    Sharing thoughts about your feelings - the wants and needs, and the troubles you’re experiencing is generally speaking not a very cishetman thing to do and can help to show the vulnerability and desire to connect with another.

    It’s genuinely a risky approach to do this, bc it’s not uncommon to be called a pussy (or similar) for sharing the vulnerabilities. Last happened to me 2 weeks ago. Though it was a (likely) cishetWoman, but she seems pretty conservative, so got black swaned there. But yeah, if i can correctly read a person isn’t gonna be offended by ‘i can feel pain’, then it’s probably helpful.

    Also, you blog about this kind of thing anywhere? I wanna read more about the world you’ve live lol

  • sascuach@lemmy.mlOPtoAsklemmy@lemmy.ml•When do you miss your ex?
    3·
    2 years ago

    It might help to explicitly seek out queer friend groups as they tend to be much more okay with and display this kind of affectionate behavior more often.

    Yeah i have noticed this! One gay male acquintance would say uhh compliments / excessively nice statements to me (read: strange to hetero culture over here) I didn’t really know what was going on and just assumed the guy thought i was good looking or smthg but i didn’t mind since he wasn’t sleezy about it.

    You could ask your friends if its okay to cuddle.

    Similarly, 2 bi acquintances said they’d cuddle naked and shower and stuff and I had absolutely 0 idea what they were going on about, bc apparently they weren’t interested in the other and that 404 errorred me so probably just nodded my head and maybe threw out an active listening statement. Personally, that’d be way to much for me circa 2022.

    Female friends did wayyy more affectionate stuff with each other then us lads. I always felt it was lame af of us lads. Like my exgf would dance with a male friend’s gf, leaving us with, uhh, nothing to do for like a few mins. When the gfs would initiate dancing with each other, i’d sorta look over at the dude and try to feel out if he wanted to dance together or something, but nada.

    I regularly ask people if I can lay my head down in their lap, because I enjoy that particular dynamic.

    Wow crazy, this would have Never had crossed my mind! What gender and sexuality are you if you don’t mind me asking? I’m cishetman.

    I’ve noticed with a few males i suspected were gay that they’d be less friendly with het males then women. I figured they were concerned i’m douchbag or had worse experiences with het men so i didn’t mind much. But doesn’t exactly make it easy for me to talk to them.

    Now that i’m a poor adult, i don’t even know how to meet people my age outside of like work. Which is largely due to poverty and my time away from work is spent trying to save money to afford rent. Ex having to walk everywhere takes a while. (Okay, i do know how to meet people… I mett some cool people now and then but very rarely get a chance to follow up on it)