ugly bag of mostly water

don’t keep sweatin’ what I do 'cause I’m gonna be just fine

  • 24 Posts
  • 2.46K Comments
Joined 2 years ago
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Cake day: December 19th, 2023

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  • I agree that it can be exhausting! My shower routine is annoyingly long and sometimes I just don’t want to bother.

    1. Dry brush
    2. Clarifying shampoo (leave on 5 mins)
    3. Exfoliate and shave pits
    4. Moisturizing shampoo
    5. Conditioner
    6. Shave legs
    7. Wash face
    8. Wash body
    9. Skincare (several steps; takes about 8 mins) and deodorant
    10. Dry oil on whole body
    11. Detangle, section, and dry hair
    12. Lotion for feet, elbows, and knees

    This takes about an hour and I haven’t even gotten to makeup yet! But if I skip steps, I feel like a goblin. Like if I skip shaving my legs it saves me time and effort, but then I hate having leg stubble and I don’t want to wear shorts but it’s been in the nineties, way too hot for pants!

    For contrast, my husband’s routine takes about 8 minutes total. He uses 4 products: shampoo, conditioner, bar soap, deodorant. He has no skincare routine, lets his hair air dry, and only shaves about once a week (takes about 5 mins). And he looks great! Because the expectations for men are so much more normal.

    I know part of the problem is that I’ve bought into the “need” for all these steps and products. But I’m 43 and fighting to delay aging on all fronts as much as possible. Healthy eating, working out, skincare, medication, etc. It’s a lot of work!

    Halfway I feel like we do all this time-consuming and expensive upkeep because we want to (we like the results and it feels good to look good) and halfway because we get pulled in by societal expectations.

    Women who do nails, tanning, extensions, waxing, lashes, designer bags/shoes/clothes - I give them all the props because it takes so much time, money, and effort, that’s real dedication! And I bet sometimes they find it ten times more exhausting than I find my routine.

    This was a bit of a ramble, sorry!















  • First of all, it’s great that you recognize unhealthy patterns of thought and behavior in yourself. That’s a great first step!

    That said, a few thoughts:

    • You’re not ready for a relationship - and I don’t say this to be mean, but you seem too immature for a relationship, especially one with the added challenges of being long-distance.
    • Based on your responses to other comments, she is also too immature for a relationship.
    • You created what’s called a ‘covert contract’ - meaning you had unspoken expectations which is almost a guarantee that the other person will let you down because you didn’t communicate with them. Unless both of you agree to plans, you don’t have plans.
    • I think you need to shift your main source of socializing from the internet to IRL. The internet is great and everything but it’s not the same a real life, and I worry that too much internet socializing can stunt your real life social skills, making it harder to connect with people down the road.

    You sound pretty young so I’m assuming some of this is just young kid angst and will smooth out over time. Good luck!