Yeah, thank you. I sent him a long text explaining what I did and how I felt during it and how it makes me feel insecure. I feel crazy but it’s fine. At the end of the day, it’s how I feel and if he thinks I’m a bit crazy but respects it then good. If not then whatever. I did find it weird too that he was still following her and liking her stuff when he doesn’t like my own stories of me. But I’m over it. I’m so so so happy I got it off my chest. He hasn’t responded but I had to let it out. I really do need therapy. I rlly do. I had a traumatic past with betrayal and self love issues and sabotage but it’s so expensive idk wha to do. I feel like I won’t know how to talk to a therapist or where to begin. I tried online therapy but I didn’t do much for me

No no, what I meant by that is even when I’m sad or anything, I’m always smiling. No one can tell when I’m upset. I’m always trying to fill someone’s cup when my own is empty. Am I happy with him? 10000%… am I happy alone 40% lol that’s my points

Can I even be in a relationship if I’m like this? I feel sick thinking about how I can be fucked over and the thought of being heartbroken again. It’s so bad. Do I tell him the thing I did? How I went out my way and got her to remove him as a follower? He will see me as a jealous and insecure girl who’s stalking him. He even said he is also a jealous type so then why would he follow and like her stuff u know? I removed a lot of my followers out of respect. I mean, she was the only thing that had me on edge so i know he hasn’t done anything bad. Idk what to do. I see him tomorrow and we were going to talk about things but I feel so scared.

No no I don’t blame him. I don’t really care. I told him I don’t care and I don’t mind at all. And that I like it soft 😭😂 he understands that I understand and that is the least of my worries. I just have to focus on stopping being so jealous. I haven’t felt this affection towards someone since my ex that’s why I’m so triggered. I had a FWB before him and we would see other guys too because we weren’t dating but I never felt this way(jealousy) because I didn’t like him on that type of level

I do. I do all of that. I always compliment him and shower him with affection, especially in person I’m kissing all over his face and giving him so much love and attention… I’m scared of the unknown

That is 100% why. I feel so bad for what I’ve done. Like I can’t believe I joined her live and did that. I feel sick to the point I just wanna cry at work. I don’t know how to get this over my head. I’m insecure about myself at times so maybe I’m not ready for a relationship but then people saying loving the right one it wouldn’t matter if ur insecure or not. I am scared. I’ve been heartbroken so much that when I feel something real the instinct to break It before it “hurts” me is so bad. Do I tell him what I did? I don’t want to because I feel like it’s so embarrassing and awkward but part of me feels so weird like I need to let it out. I’m scared

No I definitely do. Ur right.

I know. I watch porn too. Idk why but the thought of him getting off to other women or whatever makes me physically ill. Like thinking about it makes me want to throw up. Ughhhhh

Yeah, I’m gonna monitor. Maybe bring up lack of attention when I see him tomorrow. I know I can find someone else but everyone just wants to have sex and it’s disgusting. He is the only one who genuinely cares and doesn’t care for having sex and stuff. I’m his first and stuff so that makes me feel good but ur right. I mean, the girl is unfollowed and that was my ONLY issue with him. I guess I wait and see if he follows her again? If he does I’ll bring it up I guess. Very embarrassing on my end.

Thank you. You see I’m like half over it already … part of me feels guilty for going all out and telling her to unfollow but I honestly just want to see if he notices/followes her again. I feel so bad and I was sick to my stomach because I’ve never done anything crazy like that and I cannot tell him I’ve noticed because I don’t want him to think I’m stalking him you know. We have only been talking and stuff for 3 ish months now. I was going to wait it out, see how it goes the next week and take it from there. If he follows her again then I’ll bring it up to him? I see him tomorrow and we said we were going to talk about stuff because I wasn’t feeling well about me and him a couple of days ago and brought up how I’m worried we won’t work etc etc. I’m scared. I rlly like him but I’m worried this long distance and if he keeps doing this (I will talk about it to him if it continues) will ruin it.

One more thing, I feel like the fact he doesn’t like my stories but gave her picture attention is what gets me. I mean he likes my Posts but not my stories. Idk. I like him a lot but sometimes I think I might not be ready for a relationship with these jealousies lol

That’s true yea… I mean the girl said he used to message her sending her memes and saying she looks good but if he’s with me I’d expect him to atleast unfollow her?? But at the end of the day, she’s famous and she didn’t even follow him back so I shouldn’t think too hard but I feel like I’m so turned off for some reason now. And yea I mean I still watch porn lol but that’s not a big issue to me. He has problems getting hard when we do it which makes me question if he’s thinking about something else but he gets mad when this happens to him lol.