I kept my name when I got married but I probably would have changed my name if I was her.

All I get recommended are craft and history videos.

I once watched a lady abandon her cart in the empty parking spot beside her. Then she got into her car and the cart rolled behind her car. She didn’t notice and backed right into it.

My parents used to take us to Florida in January in the 90s. It was nice and not crowded, including Disney World. It’s probably not the same anymore though.

Somehow my children skipped this phase

She’s a Kardashian. Unfortunately, I know this.

I heard you need to file every year even if you’ve never lived in the US.

There are so few kids out trick or treating these days that it’s really not that expensive to do this now, too. I will never get tired of hearing excited kids say “THIS HOUSE HAS BIG BARS!!”

What the fuck

Have you tried putting your toothbrush and toothpaste in the shower? I’ve struggled with brushing my whole life and this is the only thing I’ve ever tried that actually worked. I also put a brush and paste at every sink but the only time I can ever actually manage to brush is in the shower.

I don’t like them but they’re at least practical.

Answers for little kids don’t need to get too detailed and complicated. They’ll develop nuance as they get older. Air feels and sounds like wind, though

Owning giant pickup trucks and SUVs. I’m not that secretive about it, though. I assume everyone driving them is an insecure, overgrown child who wants a big vroom vroom.

It’s the most disgusting smell. I’d rather stick my nose in a dirty diaper than stand next to someone smoking.

I can’t easily pronounce the K in “asked”. Yes, I say “assed”.

Some things are pretend, like unicorns. Reality is all the real things you can see, touch, smell, hear, and taste.

I think it was dropped off by Canada Post, but I’m not sure.

Habaneros are delicious. I actually grew habanadas this year, which are heatless habaneros, so I could get more people to try them. It’s the weirdest thing biting into a pepper and tasting spicy but no heat ever actually comes. My favourite pepper is the trinidad scorpion though. It just tastes so good, but it’s kind of stupid hot.

We have to laugh at it to stay sane. We have no control over what the Americans do.

One day my children will realise that half of everything I say is a Spongebob reference.