I’m in my early thirties and adamantly childfree. I’m lucky enough to be in a long-term relationship with someone who brought up her desire to be childfree on more or less our first date. But I am not having too much luck with my friends from childhood and university - they all seem to be wanting kids, and learning of their pregnancies leaves me with a feeling of sadness. I don’t hate kids and think no one should have them, and I am happy for them if they truly wanted this, but I also know what them having kids will mean - we are essentially putting our friendship on hiatus, and I still don’t know whether waiting 10 years for the kids to be a bit more independent and not requiring as much attention will mean I suddenly have friends again, but somehow I very much doubt it. And I also don’t want 10 years without other friends than my girlfriend. She is in very much the same situation, and while we are good at making the best out of not having kids and stressing about having them, we both would want to be able to hang out with good friends once in a while, both common between us, but also some that are exclusive to each of us.
My assumption is that this is quite common - so I am hoping someone would like to share some success stories in turning this situation around. :)
Kids are a complication but not a wall. It’s hard to be friends with folks who are busy without kids let alone with them but the once a month lunch you go to get means the world to them. Sometimes you just have to be cool with hearing, “I can’t because…” a lot.
As for new friends you gotta go and do stuff, you have to put yourself in a place where you are just enjoying yourself around people doing a thing first. Those folks might have kids too but they have carved out this one evening to do their thing and you can be there to enjoy it with them and make friends.
Honestly I’m saying this a bit as an affirmation because I struggle with the same thing of not having a deep social pocket outside of friends who moved away or had kids