Yeah. I fucked up an attempt so bad that actually it made me make an agreement to never try again.

I get it. It sucks cause you know that there is an option for it to be over but when you take it… Well everything is over and it’s as awful as you left it. I hold out on the sliver of hope that it’s gonna get better, cause nothing stays the same for long. It will change and then you can revaluate again.

Death can be pretty final. And the last thing you experiencing being pain and sadness is not a good way to go. Don’t expect to enjoy every moment of life though. That’s a dream that doesn’t exist. But try to enjoy what you can and live knowing the other side is for later.