87% damage is still crispy.

I am going to have sex with this female Flame Atronach from Oblivion. I find the female Atronaches in The Elder Scrolls IV Oblivion sexy. However, their body is made up of 87% fire, and 100% fire surrounds them. That could kill me if I tried to have sex with one. To remedy this, the Flame Atronach casts a spell on me making me resistant to fire. Keep in mind, resistant is not the same as immune. I still take damage. It is either 1 point or 0 points of damage each second I am having sex with her. Just because a particular second caused 0 points of damage, does not mean that I did not feel anything, It just means that I took no damage. I am not going to rush through having sex with this Flame Atronach, I make sure I pleasure anything I have sex with, especially non-humans! I’d rather take damage than not pleasure the Flame Atronach.

The Flame Atronach and I go to the Planes of Oblivion to have sex. When having sex with non-humans, it is ALWAYS sexier to have sex in their natural habitat rather than a human’s natural habitat.

Before we went into the Planes of Oblivion, the Flame Atronach let all the Daedra know that we are just here for sex. The Daedra will not attack us because they know I am here at the Planes of Oblivion on sexual business. This includes the Dremora. However, the Dremora Marknyaz thinks that I am going to be an easy recruit for becoming a follower of Mehrunes Dagon considering that I am having sex with a Flame Atronach. However, I have no interest in becoming a Daedra.

You probably gonna need better fire resistance than that. Duration is negotiable.

60 seconds.

Choose Breton for 25% magic resistance, or Dunmer for 50% fire resistance. Get the Magic Resistance Alteration perk at 3rd level for another 30%. Get the Lord Stone and the Agent of Mara perk by doing the quest in Riften. That gets you to the 85% magic resistance cap. Good luck fucking atronachs.

Alternatively, you can get over 100% spell absorption with the Atronach stone and perk, and wearing Miraak’s armor. Or be extra sneaky and take the Necromage Restoration perk and becoming a vampire, thus making those effects 25% stronger. Note that having 100% spell absorption means you can’t cast beneficial spell effects on yourself or summon atronachs which defeats the point

Fussy

But what will I do for the remaining 58 seconds?

There are SO MANY women (and men) (and elves) (and orcs) to bone in skyrim, why choose fire?!

username checked out… 🤪

Char broiled hotdog

I’m hearing you, but where would you even stick it? There’s no hole