Almost all my life I’ve absolutely despised children. Pretty much from the moment I stopped being a child I’ve hated being around children.
It doesn’t even matter what the child is doing. Whether they’re laughing and having fun or screaming and throwing a tantrum. The sound of a child being loud activates an almost primal rage that I can barely contain.
I’ve had to leave social gatherings/restaurants/grocery stores all because if I’d stayed I’d have made a complete ass of myself by screaming at a child just for existing.
It’s even worse with infants which makes me feel horrible because I know they can’t help it. I know the kids don’t know any better and it’s our job as adults to get them through childhood, but my blood boils when they get loud or demand attention.
Has anyone else dealt with something like this? Is there anything I can do to stop from getting so angry?
OP, don’t feel alone or hopeless. There are more of us out here who know exactly what you’re describing because we experience it ourselves.
It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or that it’s your fault for experiencing this - there’s not much you can do to “fix” it, if anything. I’ve been to a therapist and medical professionals, and basically noise cancelling AirPods or ear plugs in public are the only solution. And maybe some medications.
We used to have neighbors with several small children who would - at the same time every day - go play in their backyard. Normal kid thing. But if I was outside, I’d have to go back in. The frequency or pitch or whatever you want to call it of the loud shrieks was literally painful. I would cry.
I see other replies saying it may be a factor of you not being able to express yourself in the same way as a child. I wasn’t either because my mom is terrified of the outside world & it would make her think I was in danger. Whether this played a role or not I have no idea. I don’t want to attribute it to purely psychological reasons when it sounds like there is potentially also an actual physical medical explanation. Maybe it’s a combination, maybe not. Who knows.
It’s a fact of life that IMO you cannot control and will have to have a plan for if and when it occurs. Earplugs, leaving the triggering situation, medication, I hope you find something that works. It is fucking painful. And I can’t control that. And it’s no one’s fault…we just try to avoid situations where young children will be present (which is really fucking hard at times for a woman, btw…baby showers! Parties where the women are expected to be the caretakers because….uterus, I suppose?).
Anyway, best of luck to you, it’s not your fault, and feel free to reach out any time.
You were writing it before i could :
Quick fix : good ear plugs 😄👍 (and the rest of your comment is very nice as well : that, I could not have written)
P.S. : Hey cat, please tell me : do you like this song : Supertramp - School (1974) - Crime of the Century (album) ? (Warning : sounds of children playing) … and also I am thinking : maybe desensitization would work ?