This describes my dad except for the part where some of the bikes work.

Missed the swing bike and the skatebike.

I don’t know where Dad dug these things up, but he started supplying us with strange and wondrous ways to hurt ourselves on 2 wheels, starting with a home made small penny farthing in 1962, an early banana seater, and a circus trick bike (20" wheels, vertical fork tube, and 1:1 fixed gear).

I thought it was just "1 current bike + n old bikes ".

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What color is the bike shed though?

My Pub Bike was my son’s toy scooter. I lived in a very hilly place, so I could just cruise down on the brake, then walk up. Then at the pub I could just fold it up and throw it in a hedge somewhere and then fetch it afterwards.

There were a few scraped hands from falling off while pissed, particularly on tramlines. Also one time I ruined a pair of shoes - it felt weird when I was out dancing, then by the time I got home it had worn all the way through the heel I had used to press the brake down the hill. But overall it was a massive win.

Correct number is n-1, where n is the number that would cause a divorce.

This looks like the meth-head’s shed full of stolen bicycles you find in every bad neighbourhood.

I dont see the “stoney tricycle for going to the beach” on here…

My single speed commuter and my touring bike are enough for me. That doesnt mean I dont want more though…

I have 4, could maybe justify a 5th but honestly that would take up too much space in my basement.

This is ridiculous. You don’t need more than 4.