How can you tell when someone is out to manipulate you? There are a variety of signs to watch for, including their posture. But there’s one nearly foolproof sign that they are a manipulator: They create a false sense of urgency.
That observation comes from Rupal Patel, an author, speaker, and former CIA analyst. In a piece for CNBC.com, she offers a lot of sensible techniques for spotting a liar. One of her best bits of advice is to ask yourself one question about the person you’re dealing with.
“Are they creating a false sense of urgency?”
If they are, that is a 100 percent surefire sign of that they are trying to manipulate you. If you think about it, businesses do this all the time. Flash sales and buy-it-now pricing are common examples of companies trying to manipulate customers with a falsely created sense of urgency. Black Friday is essentially the entire retail industry doing it all at once.
As consumers, we may be experienced enough to recognize these manipulations and make intelligent decisions about how to respond. But manipulation may be harder to spot on a personal level. If someone says, “I need your answer right now or I’m taking this offer off the table,” that’s a pretty clear attempt at manipulation. But what if they say something like this: “To keep to our production schedule, we need to finalize a deal with you by 5 pm on Monday. After that, we’ll have to go with another offer.” Is that a real scheduling need or a false urgency intended to push you into a quick decision? In the moment, it can be hard to tell the difference.
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So what should you do? To start with, take a break before you give an answer. Ideally, take a few days, but if time is tight, it could be a few hours or even a few minutes. The point is to give yourself time to think instead of making a decision in the moment. “Very little, if anything, needs to be decided on the spot,” Patel writes. “Don’t let someone else’s agenda force you into a fast decision that is not in your best interests.” Do some research.
What if you’re not sure whether someone is creating a false sense of urgency or legitimately needs a quick answer? Then follow some of Patel’s most common-sense advice and do your own research. Reach out to your industry network to determine whether the other person really is facing a time crunch. Talk to some of their other business contacts and find out if they have a history of pressuring people into quick decisions. After all, the most effective way to know for sure whether someone is telling the truth is to check the facts yourself.
If you do find out that they are trying to manipulate you, you have a few options. You can play along, but refuse to be pushed into a quick decision if you don’t want to be. You can gently communicate that you know better. For example, “Gee, I talked to Ron in your operations department just yesterday, and he told me you have another three weeks before you start on this project.” Or, if dealing with this manipulator seems like like too much of a pain, you can simply walk away.
Working with a manipulator can drain your energy and try your patience. So take a little time and do a bit of research to find out who you’re dealing with. That will give you the info you need to decide whether or not it’s worth it.