Having now watched all episodes of Ahsoka, I can sum up the show in one word: ponderous. Or perhaps: glacial. It is perhaps one of the most excruciatingly paced shows in modern memory. I seriously considered fast forwarding at least 3x throughout the finale. Its largely in the dialogue scenes which require massive pauses both between lines and oftentimes…within…them…as characters…(pace around)…express themselves.

Not since LOST have I been so irritated with characters’ reticence to pass along critical information. Ahsoka, Sabine, and Ezra have this big fight and then proceed to crawl towards the only ship that can transport them home with their little snail friends. When they ended up getting left behind, I cheered: of course you should be stuck on that stupid planet, you literally could not have taken longer. Sure, we need the tension of will they-won’t they, but seriously, you could have had them fly there and still generated that tension.

One particular sore point for me was Sabine suddenly–after trying and failing to even move a tiny cup with the force–grabbing lightsabers and launching her friend across an incredible gap. I love, love, love TLJ, and the amount of backlash Rey got for being a “Mary Sue” hurts my heart. Now, we have someone with no skill, no demonstrable talent, whom other characters repeatedly and openly berated for being a poor excuse for Jedi, doing some of the most incredible acrobatic feats with the Force. Its a literal deus ex machine: Sabine suddenly inherits God-like powers to be able to solve an unsolvable problem. It is totally unearned, out of left field, and frankly a little embarrassing (with Williams’ iconic force theme swelling, just begging me to exclaim “WOW! Isn’t the Force something?”).

As for the brilliant tactician, Thrawn should have been “show, don’t tell” but his brilliance is either alluded to based on actions that happened offscreen, or praised when he does the absolute obvious (like, you know, firing lasers at the rebels after they have crossed the giant plain and are almost at his door).

The zombie stormtroopers were …cool? I like the idea, the execution was fun and a little creepy, but then they all just stand around and watch Ahsoka and Morgan fight. At least have her use the force to push a few off the tower, or trap them behind a door and they only emerge was Sabine returns.

I watch Star Wars because it was and remains a huge part of my life and sparks my imagination in ways that other media still can’t. But I need to ask for more: better stories, told better, with more interesting characters who have actual arcs that play out and are not resolved in a line or two of dialogue or completely ignored in favor of future “payoff” (RIP Baylon). Filoni has repeatedly shown that he is not capable of telling compelling stories, but prefers instead the nodding wink of callbacks and an enamor with “world building.” Witches and wizards and ancient swords are all cool things, if they are used to propel the story. When they’re not, they become boring.

I give this episode, and Season 1, a straight D. Meandering, pandering, and ultimately meaningless. Imagine someone given the same budget with an actual story to tell…