gestures all around

Uh… Yeah?

In my experience, I tend to feel more comfortable around other autistic people, but there are some types of autistic people where I feel the opposite way. It’s called a spectrum for a reason!

We absolutely find each other unconsciously. I think it’s a combination of factors such as shared interests, dislike of small talk, the way we look, body language. Those quirks don’t seem odd to us, they feel familiar and comforting.

Nearly everyone in my discord server is somewhere on the spectrum. We seem to gravitate towards other ND people when we can

I think it’s a multitude of things:

1. autistic people tend to gravitate to other autistic people since we share strong interests and other traits
2. although there is a cutoff for diagnosis, autistic traits are everywhere and if someone has them, they might not be diagnosed but still have some traits
3. autism is hereditary. So some people in your familiy will have it too
4. a lot of people don’t get diagnosed for vaious reasons so they don’t necessarily identify as autistic but they might be.

I could name many more but those are the top reasons I could think of.

Summary: It’s awesome to see that people actually are like you in a way. You‘re in a brave new world. Try to enjoy.

I would consider the inverse to seeking them out at first.

You tend to avoid people you don’t “click” with, are draining to be around or don’t accept you. Meaning you sort them out, until you have the people left that you are comfortable around, which are often other NDs.

And then it switches around. You increasingly enjoy their company and THEN you seek them out more and more, while the prospect of spending time with NTs becomes less appealing.

Eventual result: NDs attracting each other

From my experience, if I think you’re smart or cool, you’re probably autistic. I really like autistic people in general, while allistic people are hit or miss for me. Even the ones that I do like I can only be around them for short periods of time. To be clear, I’m not placing responsibility on allistic people. It’s just that it takes a lot of cognitive effort on my part to consider every possible way something could be misinterpreted before I say/do something, then get frustrated when I missed something and unavoidably upset someone. We have different cultures. However, some allistic people are quite annoying with their social games, manipulation, taking offense out of seemingly nowhere, and the need to look down on me.

For example, I was at the hospital visiting a friend. She had a friend of hers there too. I have known this person for years now, but I don’t enjoy their company. Anyway, I made a minor mistake with a request my sister made regarding her dinner because of a miscommunication, so I jokingly said, “Sorry, I’m autistic.” Somehow, this offended her allistic friend enough that she had to butt into the conversation and say, “So that’s your excuse for everything now? That you’re autistic?” I just ignored her comment, but it was still mentally exhausting to be around. Still, I’m prepared to confront her the next time she pulls out one of her antagonizing remarks because she thinks she’s superior and can get away with it. Just because I stay quiet doesn’t mean she “got me”. It means I didn’t find it worthwhile to defend myself and create a nastier environment while my friend was in the hospital.

I can find some autistic people annoying, too, but I find that I can address that with them much easier than I could with a allistic people who will more likely unnecessarily jump to incorrect conclusions.

I find that autistic people tend to attract each other the same way stand users tend to attract each other. It’s a little weird tbh.

Legit, tho.

Trans people are said to have a telepathic way of identifying and finding one another, even when they cannot clock each other.

Before I really understood ND, autism, etc. I thought my ‘type’ in romantic partner was… well, essentially females with ADHD.

Now that I understand myself better and have experience reading people, I just intentionally seek out NDs. Like those memes about how introverts don’t make friends, extroverts simply adopt them? I’m the extrovert. I understand my social needs and I can assemble my tower of friendly interactions wherever I go.

I imagine most people flock along some set of similarity characteristics; even if there were no attractive force between neurodivergent people, ND people would flock by the nature of being otherwise excluded, as per hydrophobic molecules

There are a lot of undiagnosed autistic people. And you, like all other humans, are going to be more comfortable around people with similar modes of behaviour to yourself.

My NT girlfriend has two (other) autistic friends. Apart from that there are none or at least none, who would describe themselves as ND or “on the spectrum”.

I’m not autistic, but uh, I can see it from my house. Autism runs strongly in my family (enough so that our genetics have been studied). And I happened to marry an autistic woman. She was undiagnosed at the time - we only learned after getting our son diagnosed a couple years ago.

Since we started learning some of the less common symptoms of autism, we’ve started noticing them in family members on both sides. Pretty sure both of our fathers are autistic, for instance.

It’s just that… If you’re “passing” for NT, and/or of an older generation, you probably won’t seek out a diagnosis. Remember, autism was only described a couple decades back. As diagnoses go, it’s still pretty young - we’re still learning a lot about it. Including how prevalent it is.

I understand this post is old, but I tend to flock more with the ADHD/ADD crowd than with fellow autistics. I don’t know what that says about me mentally, but I find it easier to get along with the attention deficit folks. Probably because they talk more which lets me listen more. I do still have friends on the spectrum, but usually from circumstance (coincidence or being in the same places like in school.)