Wednesday, November 8, 2028:
The democrats, running a Mike Pence and Mitt Romney ticket, have just lost to the a copy of Grok 3 trained on the transcripts of all of Donald Trump’s, uh, speeches, and its running mate, Eye Fuckskulls, the modern leader of the Aryan Brotherhood. After having a completely fair primary in which their super delegates all reported that they would vote for Pence on day one, and all the other candidates, each having won one or two states, dropped out and pledged their votes to Pence after he won the absolutely critical state of New Hampshire, the democrats were sure of their chances with this centrist ticket. Many democrats expressed befuddlement that they lost ground in every demographic, although some strategists see a glimmer of hope in that they managed to pick up sixteen disaffected Republican voters nationwide. Some voters seemed to think that the democrats didn’t make a case for why they should vote for Pence and Romney instead of Grok/Fuckskulls, but democrats disagree. “It’s hard to know for sure, but my guess is that it’s time to move past unpopular far left policies like only executing 100 detained immigrants a day, annexing only half of Canada, and limiting involuntary Tesla Factory labor to only the poorest Americans” said one democratic strategist.
“Stupid fucking leftists, progressives, and non-voters, Pence/Romney ‘Atheist Genocide But We’ll Say Sorry While Doing It 2028’ was the best chance we had at restoring the republic, the damage that Grok and Fuckskulls will do is immeasurable. I guess they’re just going to have to learn to vote blue no matter who in 2032!” Yelled another exasperated democrat on the TrumpNet ™, America’s isolated and heavily censored internet network.
Broadcasts from the future:
Wednesday, November 8, 2028: The democrats, running a Mike Pence and Mitt Romney ticket, have just lost to the a copy of Grok 3 trained on the transcripts of all of Donald Trump’s, uh, speeches, and its running mate, Eye Fuckskulls, the modern leader of the Aryan Brotherhood. After having a completely fair primary in which their super delegates all reported that they would vote for Pence on day one, and all the other candidates, each having won one or two states, dropped out and pledged their votes to Pence after he won the absolutely critical state of New Hampshire, the democrats were sure of their chances with this centrist ticket. Many democrats expressed befuddlement that they lost ground in every demographic, although some strategists see a glimmer of hope in that they managed to pick up sixteen disaffected Republican voters nationwide. Some voters seemed to think that the democrats didn’t make a case for why they should vote for Pence and Romney instead of Grok/Fuckskulls, but democrats disagree. “It’s hard to know for sure, but my guess is that it’s time to move past unpopular far left policies like only executing 100 detained immigrants a day, annexing only half of Canada, and limiting involuntary Tesla Factory labor to only the poorest Americans” said one democratic strategist.
“Stupid fucking leftists, progressives, and non-voters, Pence/Romney ‘Atheist Genocide But We’ll Say Sorry While Doing It 2028’ was the best chance we had at restoring the republic, the damage that Grok and Fuckskulls will do is immeasurable. I guess they’re just going to have to learn to vote blue no matter who in 2032!” Yelled another exasperated democrat on the TrumpNet ™, America’s isolated and heavily censored internet network.
I really enjoyed reading this, thank you for the satirical sci-fi of the bullshit we’re stuck with of today.
I’m pretty sure it’s actually a broadcast from the future mate.