likely in response to my comments on the beehaw post, which i linked to (hopefully im doing this right?). apparently, calling people you dont know for the first time “they/them” before being told their pronouns is “misgendering”. absurd. this kind of attitude threatens the larger LGBTQ community and is partially why cishets hate us after we won so much progress back in the 00s and 10s.
im a queer person. im neurodivergent. this shit is so goddamn fucking annoying, especially as an older queer who got physically assaulted on a near daily basis for being queer in the 90s. the kids today get their panties in a twist over being supposedly “misgendered” by someone calling them gender neutral pronouns before being corrected. narcissistic victimhood bullshit.
anyways, now banned from one of my favorite instances. meanwhile in the US theyre planning on hunting us. but yeah, lets ban fellow queers over their view that people who get mad about being “misgendered” when they arent (cis people are also referred to as “they/them” before further context in a conversation with a stranger) are just attention seeking brats that threaten the larger movement. its so obvious to me that the brats who find reason to be offended over innocent pronoun use never faced real adversity, like getting repeatedly physically beaten.
edit - the best part of all of this is i faced no moderation from beehaw and all of my comments are +1 or higher. power tripping oversensitive neurodivergent hating bastard of a mod over at blahaj IMO.
edit 2 - did this wrong. heres a link to the post i think got me banned from blahaj and a screenshot about it https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/37659465
Edit 3 - apparently I did nothing wrong until I made my thoughts known about how the pronoun police fucked over the larger LGBTQ community as our rights are backsliding in America. Yall are gonna whine about being misgendered to the concentration camp guards at the rate we’re going. God forbid I be angry that while queers were busy fighting over pronouns our adversaries stuffed the courts, stuffed the school boards, couped the government, and are installing a fascist dictatorship. When I say that these fucking toddlers are going to learn what real oppression tastes like, that’s what I mean. It’s not that I want us to be hurt or oppressed (as the dog piling idiots have interpreted), it’s that the younger generation is weak as hell and lost the fucking plot in the fight for our rights. I grew up getting beaten in the streets for being queer only for these kids to claim their pronouns not being mind-read is oppression!
Damn, this is a trip
This is both PTB and YDI.
The blanket bans on a different instance is definitely overkill, which points right to a power trip. If it had been one or two, maybe it could be dismissed, but that many? Nah, that’s fucking crazy.
But you were being a dick all up and down that thread.
Now, I want you to stop for a second. See what I just said? What are you thinking and feeling right this second, after reading it.
Go back to the thread you linked. Reread what you wrote with whatever reaction you had to me saying you were being a dick in your mind. See all those places where you were projecting that anyone that might object to your pronoun usage were being lesser because of it? Yeah, you were essentially just saying they would be dicks, and that you were better than them.
Now, it doesn’t really matter whether point has any validity. It could have been relevant, but you were ranting all throughout the thread. When someone does that, they have to understand that it could come with consequences. That the consequences were far out of line is a separate issue.
Now, fwiw, I actually partially agree with your premise, though the way you express it, and the details of your reasoning behind it are not good. Particularly the part about why “cishets hate us”. I get why you might think that, but it simply doesn’t match the words and actions of the bigots.
Basically, you took a pet peeve, went on a rant and it was tangential to the actual post. I’m surprised the ban wasn’t from beehaw, they tend to frown on that degree of venom from anyone.
But, again, despite you deserving something for running around foaming at the mouth digitally, the blanket bans are way out of line too
I think this is a fair perspective to take. FWIW, Blahaj being the #1 trans-inclusive and welcoming instance, and the fact that they generally do a really good job of keeping transphobia and hate out, does make me give them some leeway. (Like, maybe OP could have just apologized? It’s not hard.)
But also, yeah, I recognize that a more traditional approach to moderation makes this look heavy-handed.
“Foaming at the mouth”
The only ones foaming at the mouth are overprivileged piss baby queers who get OfFeNdEd that they were “misgendered” by a stranger calling them “they” for the first time upon meeting. Aka USING ENGLISH THE WAY ENGLISH WORKS. Not misgendering, not deadnaming, not being intentionally offensive.
Fucking piss baby queers that have never faced any real adversity and their whiny behavior threatens us all.
As someone who was physically assaulted my entire childhood for being queer only to watch this younger generation piss away all that we fought for over fucking PRONOUNS is fucking offensive. They have zero respect for the queers who fought the real fight before them.
As a cis lesbian who’s gender nonconforming, I’ve spent years putting up with their pronoun based faux “oppression” temper tantrums out of an effort to be “accepting” only to watch larger society completely flip on us. Their “fight” makes a mockery out of what came before them. Now we’re under serious physical threat again but yeah, let’s go be pronoun police finding things to get offended by that make us feel important (main character syndrome, thanks iPad babies) rather than fight actual fucking oppression.
“foaming at the mouth!? How dare you!” Proceeds to spray foam fucking everywhere
Calling people “piss baby queers” is not helping your case.
Bruh. Your foam is getting everywhere.
Annnd there it is.
At this point, you either need , and I mean need to address your trauma with someone trained for that.
Or, you’re just looking to stir shit
Oh sure, I need therapy, let me get right on that in America. Oh yeah. Deny, defend, depose.
Nice attitude towards someone’s queer neurodivergent trauma.
Maybe the toddler queers can fucking learn from their elders trauma instead of mocking it? The most trauma these toddlers have been through is being “misgendered”.
Southsamurai is telling you that your behavior is unacceptable and very troll-like and attempting to suggest a possible path to improvement. It’s up to you to choose whether or not to take that path to improving but regardless your behavior in these comments has not been acceptable
Well, when someone is so obviously traumatized that they can’t stop ranting long enough to think, what options are there?
Once you’re past a certain point of trauma, it requires outside assistance to resolve, period. It isn’t something you can hand wave away, it isn’t something that changes as a fact even when the system is fucked.
But I’m telling you, the way you’re acting, you’re pushing right towards a major event. Might snap and cause harm to yourself or others, it might turn into a cardiovascular insult or a digestive one, there’s no telling. But it isn’t a matter of if, it’s a matter of when.
You’re so busy externalizing your pain, your fear, and your anger that it’s eating you up. You’ve devolved into monomaniacal rants; you do realize that’s not a good sign, right? People that are at that point in things, they don’t get better alone.
Do you have a local support network? Friends, family, even helpful members of your community? If not, would you like some help finding local resources? It varies a lot, but there are usually services on a county and/or city level. Wait times are absurd, and everyone is overloaded, but they do triage crises ahead of stable conditions. You’d be able to get started at least.
I’m still not sure if you’re serious, or maybe rage baiting, but I’ve walked the PTSD road. For decades. Once someone starts locking into a monomania like you are, it gets dangerous. The path out of that place is not easy, it’s not fast, but it is possible to find remission.
The venom you’re spitting? It isn’t really about what you think it is. Your mind is scrambling, trying to find something to hold onto, a way to escape the pain. A lot of people go through that. Unfortunately, it’s not long once it starts before you hit rock bottom with it.
So, if what you’re saying about your trauma is true, for your own health and safety, reach out and find a way to heal.
I’m tired of the individualist work on yourself response to collective problems.
Yeah, I have major major fucking trauma from being queer and being beat to shit over it. I also live in America where there is no help.
Needless to say, I see the people who faux outrage over being “misgendered” as the whiny piss babies they are. They wouldn’t behave that way if they experienced real trauma, and as a result of their whining, our hard fought for rights are backsliding by the day.
Point this out and you’re a big bad meanie of a person harming their safe space.
Guess what? Soon, no space will be safe. Because this generation of soft as hell queers got so hung up on pronoun policing that they lost the fucking plot.
This isn’t a collective problem. You see that, don’t you? They are so nice to you
I’m not saying the person I responded to isn’t being nice (honestly, reads as saccharine over the top “caring” but maybe that’s just the internet and I’m jaded as fuck).
I’m saying the collective problem is that the queers have lost the plot in the fight for rights, and we’re going through a major backsliding event in America, telling me to work on myself in response to having PTSD over the very real situation in America right now is… condescending as fuck. I have to work on myself but whiny piss babies offended over innocuous use of pronouns don’t because they’re polite about it? Fuck outta here. Nonsense. They need to toughen the fuck up because times are changing quick.
Saying I’m a threat to young queers because I’m going the tough love route of you don’t know what real oppression looks like while you whine about pronouns is also ridiculous.
Amongst other things claiming that everyone in blahaj is American is kinda just a dick move. No one owes you a space to spew your “tough love” so to speak. Young people in and outside of America get to hear it daily already from people in their vicinity. You’re not helping.
I have to actively pretend to be someone I am not in a place outside of America, so why would I let you berate me on how I should be willing to have they/them pronouns be used on me? Funny thing is, I sincerely do not care about the pronouns used for me, but the way you go about communicating with people just makes me sick of it.
Your speech is no different than my family telling me to act a certain way to be more palpable to the “cishet population”. I and other people are not obligated to listen to the ramblings of a mentally distressed queer person who thinks we’re all just a bunch of cry babies.
Not really though, we’re discussing your ban I think the topic is fully about you
“i swear im not foaming at the mouth”
goes on to say shit like “piss baby queers”
holy shit yeah i was formerly like okay a blanket ban is arguably a lot you should apologize since there was clearly a misunderstanding but maybe blahaj made the right proactive judgement about you. stay away from me. YDI YDI YDI.
They are piss baby queers, oversensitive and overprivileged who never got a fist to the face and it fucking shows.
Well, times are changing, fist to the face is coming back into vogue, maybe they’ll learn the hard way what real oppression looks like.
I’m a cishet guy, so my perspective is limited to that outside view, and the secondhand perspectives my handful of LGBT friends offer. But everything that I’ve seen and heard myself has pointed towards a greater acceptance of LGBT folk over the course of my 30 years of life, including the past decade. Like antisemitism and other bigotries, the worst and most violent expressions are often not rooted in backsliding of popular sentiment, but that popular sentiment has become widely positive enough to be threatening to conservative cultural forces, but not so strong or universal as to be an automatic death sentence for public bigotry. France was less antisemitic in 1940 than in 1900, yet it is the France of 1940 which cooperated with the Nazis on Jewish genocide.
I get that’s not a big fucking comfort when the result is still potentially genocide, but I don’t know that pronoun fights have had the effect you think they have, nor that popular opinion has reversed course rather than the still-recordbreaking level of LGBT support simply being insufficient against an outburst of the hatred that was never completely put out, and which still rules a sizable and energetic minority in this country.
I think the bad faith pronoun policing has been actively harmful to the queer community.
I think we are actively backsliding to the time of my childhood where physical violence against queers was not only acceptable but encouraged. We had a solid decade of acceptance from roughly 2006-2016 that seemed pretty legit (obviously hate will never be fully eradicated) but then when the generation that followed me came of age they - who grew up in a time of acceptance - found brand new ways to get offended by seemingly innocuous bullshit. And around the time of the neopronouns and other frivolous nonsense was the time that our social standing started to fall. I remember it first appearing on tumblr, baby queers policing everyone for not “respecting” their pronouns. Oh, and not being sexually interested in trans people being “transphobic”. In fact, anything besides fawning adoration was considered “transphobic”. The younger queers are irritating as hell IMO and are putting all of us at risk.
No offense, but I think you’re getting old in a time of crisis. You rightfully see that things are fucked now, and getting worse, and want an explanation for it. But oftentimes the easy, A-Leads-To-B explanations that are intuitive are not correct. Tumblr, and Livejournal before that (Christ, remember Livejournal?), were always cesspools of hypervigilance, groupthink, and aggressive identity politics, but their activity was largely that of a vocal, and often very young and confused, minority misunderstanding academic and popular concepts, not a major cultural current.
I don’t think their quarreling and internet slapfights were meaningful contributors, and while I might be wrong, I doubt that such minor quarreling is core to modern LGBT culture; what is more likely, I think, is simply that neopronouns and pronoun importance has increased with the acceptance of trans folk in society as more than a joke or an aside thought. I mean, fuck, I remember what the mid-late 2000s were like regarding trans folk. Not fucking pretty.
The kids will always be irritating. Hell, they were irritating when I was a kid, and I was one of the little shits. But they’re also considerably less racist, sexist, homophobic, and transphobic than the kids were back in my day; and so is society at large, I think.
It’s just that, like issue approval, popular minority acceptance unfortunately does not guaranteed the execution of a majority or plurality-opinion in policy. Improvements in popular minority acceptance reduce the chance of horrific policy execution, but until it is overwhelming, these reversals remain a possibility.
If it sounds like I’m downplaying it with clinical phrasing, I don’t mean to. Fuck, I might be in line for the camps myself, albeit for different reasons. I just don’t know that you’re looking at the right cause for why LGBT folk are at risk now.
Omg live journal! Throwback! I miss those days. 😭 life was so much simpler back then. Hold up let me put on a passive aggressive away message wRitTeN lIkE tHiS on my AIM! 😝
I think the bad faith faux outrage pronoun policing is an offshoot of that and influenced larger culture especially larger queer culture. I was not welcome in those spaces back then despite being queer myself because I always saw aggressive identity politics for what it really is: a distraction against class based struggle. Queers dying in the street from poverty isn’t magically eradicated by a rainbow painted in the road which is all our leaders have to offer us. Performative bullshit. I think the appetite for performative bullshit stems from tumblr activism in the 2010s. Remember when all the corporations made their logos rainbow for pride month for a few years? So brave! they know what side their bread is buttered so they’re done with that now that the fascists are running the show. (And donating to them!)
Also I’m not offended. I am getting old in a time of crisis. The other day a friend texted me about how we should go to a protest together. Dude. I’m so fucking tired. the protests don’t matter and don’t do shit, and with AI and facial recognition, all that’s doing is getting you put on a list with your identifying info to be further dealt with in the upcoming years. I’ve been screaming at the top of my lungs about the descent into fascism the US has been speed running since fucking 2000 when bush stole the election. What we need is a general strike, a real one, we need to hit the capitalists (who side with fascists, a tale as old as time) where it hurts. Or ya know, deny, defend, depose.
Sorry, off on a tangent there.
Probably part of it. That being said, now when people feel like being assholes they focus on pronouns and identifying as an attack helicopter or whatever.
I don’t know about that anymore. Trumps support amongst the 18-29 year old crowd surged between the 2020 and 2024 elections, from roughly 1/3 to 1/2. And he won young men this election by 49-48%.
I think the “Zellenials” were the most accepting of any generation (just based on observation and IRL interaction) but their younger gen z counterparts are swinging back hard. Older millennials were assholes but as they aged they became better. All but one of my tormentors growing up apologized for the abuse they did to me, unprompted and unexpected, which im grateful for. (I moved away a decade ago and was back home a few years ago visiting when I ran into people who were cruel to me when I was younger, it was a trip)