As a kid, I learned to “pause” my true self. School was the pause, and my hobbies, dreams, and passions were the unpause—something I’d rush back to during lunch or after class.
Over time, the pauses got longer. Tiredness and responsibilities crept in, leaving little energy to unpause at the end of some days.
At work, sometimes the pressure and the demands were so relentless that I couldn’t unpause for weeks or months at a time.
Then came marriage, fatherhood, and the joy—and work—of raising a child.
I want my son to get to know the real me but I worry that by the time he is grown I won’t have any “self” to unpause to.
I’m working on a 2.5 year degree to upgrade my credentials while working part time and i’ve been on autopilot/pause the entire time. I can’t remember the last time I did something because I wanted to do it and not because i had to or it was in my schedule. Oh well I’m almost done, my remedy will be a nice vacation and having evenings and weekends back.