As a kid, I learned to “pause” my true self. School was the pause, and my hobbies, dreams, and passions were the unpause—something I’d rush back to during lunch or after class.
Over time, the pauses got longer. Tiredness and responsibilities crept in, leaving little energy to unpause at the end of some days.
At work, sometimes the pressure and the demands were so relentless that I couldn’t unpause for weeks or months at a time.
Then came marriage, fatherhood, and the joy—and work—of raising a child.
I want my son to get to know the real me but I worry that by the time he is grown I won’t have any “self” to unpause to.
How, when you have no energy and time?
Yeah, I don’t really know the answer to that. I may have misread OP’s question. I took it as a “how do I get back to the me that’s under all the adult garbage?” when maybe it’s more about not having time or energy to find themselves.
I don’t know how to answer that question, except to say we can always find ways to be better, more authentic versions of ourselves. From the clothes we wear to work or the music we listen to in traffic, to the conversations we have during dinner and the ways we talk about shows we’re binging.
Maybe there’s no time to add anything new, but we probably have the ability to make the time we have more expressive and more meaningful.
Dunno, man. I’m working it all out for myself too. Good luck to you.
Re-evaluate what you actually need. Almost everyone can free up time and energy from stuff they shouldn’t actually care about, but do care because of societal or familial or whatever pressures.