I don’t disagree with your statement about trying to find someone that shares similar interests and that one meshes with. As you said the mentality that one is trying to “catch” another person is pretty toxic and not the point I am responding too.
Although as an aside, I would critique the behavior of the other person. Dismissing someone based on past experiences with others that share a similar characteristic, or on preconceived notions of something is pretty shitty. I personally always try and give someone the benefit of the doubt and at least a couple of chances to shine. First encounters are often awkward AF and it can’t always be sparks and magic.
(That’s an awful lot as an aside, I know 😅)
The one point you made about the potential number of matches is what I really wanted to comment on. It can often be frustrating and disheartening to have someone make a statement that comes across as if finding a partner is almost guaranteed as long as effort is put fourth (I know because I’m there). For reference my city has a population of about 900k people. I recently pulled some stats from the census and Pew Research to estimate what the actual pool of potential partners was like.
Things like number of people in my age range, percent of people in that age range that don’t want kids, percent that are in the market, etc. I also tried to avoid stacking percentages that have high correlations like education and political affiliation. The result I got was about 35 people at any given time. The half life on that number refreshing is about 18 months as well.
So all of that before even getting into whether we have the same hobbies or interests, if they find me attractive, and other important factors. It also doesn’t help that a lot of my hobbies and life are very heavily male dominated. What few women do exist in the space are usually already in a long term relationship. Even if they are not, I’m absolutely not first pick. I’m not ugly, I’m about average in looks and I do my best to present myself as best I can. Similarly I’m not super successful, but I’m not struggling either. However, when the ratio of men to women is so imbalanced even being in the top 20% or 10% in terms of desirability isn’t enough.
So when someone says there is someone out there that is perfect for me or another person, I believe that statement to be true unequivocally in the same way that I believe alien life does, has, or will exist. However I am not likely to ever meet either for the same reason; space is too large, and time is too vast.
All that to say, I can understand why someone like the OP (whether real or not) might feel that way. Logically you are absolutely right and I don’t disagree, but we are all still unfortunately human and that craving for love, sex, affection, etc. is annoyingly strong and even needed.
I don’t disagree with your statement about trying to find someone that shares similar interests and that one meshes with. As you said the mentality that one is trying to “catch” another person is pretty toxic and not the point I am responding too.
Although as an aside, I would critique the behavior of the other person. Dismissing someone based on past experiences with others that share a similar characteristic, or on preconceived notions of something is pretty shitty. I personally always try and give someone the benefit of the doubt and at least a couple of chances to shine. First encounters are often awkward AF and it can’t always be sparks and magic. (That’s an awful lot as an aside, I know 😅)
The one point you made about the potential number of matches is what I really wanted to comment on. It can often be frustrating and disheartening to have someone make a statement that comes across as if finding a partner is almost guaranteed as long as effort is put fourth (I know because I’m there). For reference my city has a population of about 900k people. I recently pulled some stats from the census and Pew Research to estimate what the actual pool of potential partners was like.
Things like number of people in my age range, percent of people in that age range that don’t want kids, percent that are in the market, etc. I also tried to avoid stacking percentages that have high correlations like education and political affiliation. The result I got was about 35 people at any given time. The half life on that number refreshing is about 18 months as well.
So all of that before even getting into whether we have the same hobbies or interests, if they find me attractive, and other important factors. It also doesn’t help that a lot of my hobbies and life are very heavily male dominated. What few women do exist in the space are usually already in a long term relationship. Even if they are not, I’m absolutely not first pick. I’m not ugly, I’m about average in looks and I do my best to present myself as best I can. Similarly I’m not super successful, but I’m not struggling either. However, when the ratio of men to women is so imbalanced even being in the top 20% or 10% in terms of desirability isn’t enough.
So when someone says there is someone out there that is perfect for me or another person, I believe that statement to be true unequivocally in the same way that I believe alien life does, has, or will exist. However I am not likely to ever meet either for the same reason; space is too large, and time is too vast.
All that to say, I can understand why someone like the OP (whether real or not) might feel that way. Logically you are absolutely right and I don’t disagree, but we are all still unfortunately human and that craving for love, sex, affection, etc. is annoyingly strong and even needed.