• DarkGamer@kbin.social
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    1 year ago

    If only they addressed that in the article…

    “I am pansexual,” he says, meaning that he is attracted to persons regardless of their sex or gender.
    Brady puts it another way: “Bisexual — with an open mind!” he says with a chuckle.

    Oh wait they did. Read the article.

    • JackbyDev@programming.dev
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      1 year ago

      It really gets under my skin when folks frame bisexuality as bigoted pansexuality.

      Edit: I’m not saying he wasn’t making a lighthearted joke and I’m not even really saying he shouldn’t have said it. I’m just sad that for a lot of people this may be the first time they hear about pansexuality and assume it means that people who say they’re bi are transphobic, enbyphobic, or something else.

      • Earthwormjim91@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        A closed minded bisexual would be someone that is only attracted to cisgender people of either sex. So only females that identify as women and males that identify as men.

        A pansexual person can be attracted to females that identify as women, men, neither, both, etc. Same with males that identify as men, women, neither, both, etc.

        • Aesthesiaphilia@kbin.social
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          1 year ago

          When he said “open mind” it was a joke. You don’t choose who you’re sexually attracted to. If you’re not attracted to trans people, that’s fine and is no reflection on whether or not you’re a bigot.

          You may know this, but I’ve run into several who don’t, so I want to clarify.

              • Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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                1 year ago

                Fucking preach. I’m bisexual and I’m attracted to anyone my brain and heart click with. Which is very few people. Luckily I found another me to date, then marry, and be togevva foreva with.

                Bi = 2

                Bisexual = attracted to people of the other sex AND my own = 2

                So many people don’t get that.

            • Taffer@lemmy.world
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              1 year ago

              If you’re refusing to date someone solely because they’re trans, then yeah it kinda is. Things like genital preference, the person “passing”, etc are preferences you’re certainly allowed to have, but are going to apply on a case by case basis. If you’re otherwise attracted to someone and the only deal breaker is the fact that they’re trans, that’s by definition a prejudice against trans people.

              Edit: listen nobody is forcing yall to date a trans person. What I’m saying is that most valid hang ups someone might have don’t apply to every trans person, there’s gonna be trans people with the junk/body type/voice/whatever else that you’re into. So refusing to date someone just because they’re trans is the prejudiced part, not whatever personal preference you have that’s gonna stop you from dating some or most trans folks.

              • DigitalBits@programming.dev
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                1 year ago

                No? If you’re a cis straight person, you’re going to be attracted to people of the other gender. For most people, this is both attraction to the behaviour (attracted to femininity or masculinity respectively), and the attraction to the specific gentials.

                If I was 100% in that cis straight guy box, then for a female trans person to meet those requirements, they’d have to be fairly indistingishable from a cis female. That’s very rare, for example most people would not have had a vaginoplasty. If I was to date a trans guy, then I’d personally be put off by the masculinity, even if they had the genitalia I was into.

                Personally, I’m not 100% straight because I’m more flexibile with the genitalia, so long as they have that femininity. But I 100% understand why other people wouldn’t date a trans person because they’re trans, even if they were fine being friends with them. After all, I wouldn’t date a guy even though I’m fine being friends with them, that doesn’t make me homophobic.

                • Taffer@lemmy.world
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                  1 year ago

                  Of course lemmy.world went down right as I finished writing my response and made me lose everything lmao

                  Anyhow none of what you said contradicts the point I’m trying to make, which I’ve evidently failed miserably at making even with an edit.

                  I’m not saying you have to go out and get a trans girlfriend. What I’m trying to get at is that, as you noted, it’s possible for a trans woman to meet the requirements a cishet man might have for traits such as genitals, personality, voice, height, body type, etc. This hypothetical cishet dude doesn’t have to be attracted to every trans woman, just like how it would be insane if he was attracted to every cis woman. But if that perfect trans woman showed up, who meets every possible requirement for the guy, and he still doesn’t want to date her because she’s trans, then that is prejudice against trans people.

                  There’s probably going to still be a disconnect on this despite my best efforts and this whole thing will probably get slammed with downvotes too. I’m rephrasing an argument based off of what I mostly remember saying in my original reply to this before world shit the bed, and plus this is a conversation about LGBT people happening in a comment section full of (presumably) cishet people. Getting within 1000 yards of the possibility that they aren’t perfect allies with absolutely no internalized bias or prejudice is going to get people defensive. But hell, I’m several letters in LGBT and I’ve got internalized homophobia and transphobia that I’m trying to sort out, the point I’m trying to make here wasn’t an easy one for me to consider either when it was said by someone way smarter than me.

              • Velociraptor@lemmy.world
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                1 year ago

                Hey there. Trans person here to tell you that you are just straight up wrong. We haven’t been fighting for rights for years so people can backtrack on the basic rules of sexuality out of misplaced identity zealotry. The whole point of most queer dialogue is that you can’t control who you’re attracted to. Magically changing that is actually just another way to harm trans people in the eyes of potential cis allies.

                • Taffer@lemmy.world
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                  1 year ago

                  Hello, other trans person here questioning what part of my statement gave you the impression that I’m saying you have control over who you’re attracted to. The entire idea I’ve said several times now is that if your attraction to someone is only overridden by the fact that they’re trans rather than any actual physical or emotional traits they have, then at that point there’s nothing to do with your sexual, emotional, or physical attraction to someone and just boils down to a prejudice against trans people. Any trait that might actually determine someone’s attraction towards a person is not a single shared trait that all of us have.

                  If you think that a relationship is the line where that prejudice is considered okay, that’s for you to decide and I wont stop you. Everyone is going to have prejudices regarding potential partners, I’m married but personally wouldn’t have dated someone with even vaguely conservative views for instance. But whether it makes cis people uncomfortable or not, it is prejudiced to ignore all attraction towards us just because we’re trans and for no other reason.

                  • Velociraptor@lemmy.world
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                    1 year ago

                    Human sexuality is itself prejudiced. That’s the whole point of the queer movement. You are claiming that sexual attraction is never allowed to stop once it starts, but people do that all the freaking time over the most mundane reasons. The dealbreaker is absolutely allowed to be genitalia - it can also be a mole or an odor or a nose that you decide reminds you too much of someone who caused trauma or whatever. People are allowed their fluidity, especially once you start moving into less sex positive spaces. It is very much you saying we can control attraction to deny how sexuality operates.

              • Smoogs@lemmy.world
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                1 year ago

                Bigotry is when you attack a person with prejudice. It’s not if a person just doesn’t date a person. No one is owed sex. Not getting sex is not a prejudice nor is it oppression.

                And if a person didn’t go the distance to attack people they simply aren’t attracted to, attacking someone by calling them prejudiced just cuz they won’t have sex with someone is an incorrect use of the meaning of that word. This breaches on being malicious with intent to harass.

                • Taffer@lemmy.world
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                  1 year ago

                  Evidently there’s something wrong with my word choice of “prejudice” because that word choice really seems to be the part everyone’s getting pissed over. Do you have any suggestion for a more appropriate word choice because you seem to at least kinda get what I’m trying to say.

          • slashasdf@feddit.nl
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            1 year ago

            People don’t choose who they are attracted to, there’s nothing transphobic about not being attracted to trans people

          • QHC@lemmy.world
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            1 year ago

            Going to? They have always been here, but like the rise of TERFs or Cubans in Florida, now that a lot of the LGBTQ spectrum has gotten some progress–enough that the T part of that list is being addressed–some people are gonna play the “got mine, fuck you” game.

            It’s a good reminder that even people who agree with 99% of what you do can still be assholes somewhere deep down in their cold hearts.

    • devdad@programming.dev
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      1 year ago

      So somebody wanted to broaden their understanding by asking a simple question and you decided to be a dick?

      Maybe they didn’t have time to read the article and thought somebody would help.

      • techbits@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        The previous comment getting so many votes is saddening on lemmy. Someone asked a question that wasn’t bigoted and instead of taking the opportunity to educate another human they took the time to quote the article and type up a reply that was dismissive. These types of issues can only be resolved with education and someone taking the extra time to put someone else down is definitely not an ally.

        • devdad@programming.dev
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          1 year ago

          Right. I personally struggle with a lot of the “terms” these days - not because I think they are wrong, only because I don’t always understand what they mean.

          On Reddit, when I saw them used, I would ask for clarification and I’d learn something.

          Being dismissive to people trying to learn isn’t going to bring them into the ally space.