Ok, I have no idea why this bothers me and I don’t even know what to call it. My husband is a “come here” guy. Something he thinks is interesting and wants to show me - hey, come here! Nuclear apocalypse - hey, come here! Why the hell wont he just tell me why he wants me to get up, trudge to wherever he is, so that he can reveal the surprise like some sort of performative art ? I never know if it’s going to be legitimate, a disaster, or something stupid. The walk to wherever he is is insanely stressful because the whole time I’m running through all possible horrible scenarios (we’ve had a lot of issues at the house lately so I never know if I’m going to find water in the basement or raccoons in the attic or a hole in my foundation, or just him looking at a funny cat video). I’d rather he say “hey, babe, something is happening wherever/whatever, come see this.” Instead I have to have the whole performance and reveal and I fucking hate it. Anyone else know what I’m talking about or am I just mental ?
No, that’s annoying. If he’s a reasonable sort he’d be willing to recognize that too. However, fixing this kind of simple, ingrained-from-childhood habit is a pretty epic amount of effort, and I can all but guarantee he’s mentally weighing whether the effort (probably weeks to months of it) will be overall less annoying than whatever the bad habit is costing you.
Also worthy of note that he’s probably going to severely underestimate how much it actually does cost you, because it’s not necessarily strictly logical, it’s a conditioned response that built up over time.
Worth having a serious chat about imo.
We have talked about it a lot. He recognizes it’s a weird behaviour but he can’t break the habit, so the childhood thought tracks. And I also think you’re right about the effort bit. He’s lazy by nature. If something needs doing and he doesn’t know how, he just shrugs and says “I don’t know how”. But when you’re a couple, and something needs to be done, anything shrugged off by #1 becomes the responsibility of #2. Which means instead of him having to learn it, I have to. Just google it dude. Watch a youtube video, like I’m going to when you wash your hands of it. It’s easier for me to learn something new than it is for him to learn something new which is bollocks. The only reason it’s easier is because it’s not his effort. Somehow in his mind learning something new is too hard on his part, but takes zero effort on mine. Like, what?
To be fair, they don’t really cover bad habit-breaking in high school. College either sometimes, depending on course of study. They probably do in the military, but most people don’t enlist.
The information is out there though, perhaps you could find him a useful reference material that isn’t too long and covers a basic, evidence-based technique.
Ah, a bit of the ol’ weaponized incompetence.