Apparently you’ve never had people tell you that you don’t matter because you’re from a red state.
I’m trans, stuck in a red state, and get to have people tell me I deserve what the state is doing to me and my trans siblings because we were born here.
Girl, that is absolutely bullshit, I am so sorry to hear that. I have family in both Alberta and Saskatchewan (Canada’s blindly right-wing provinces) and it is brutal if you’re not white, male, and hetero. Even moreso if you’re visually not one of those things, and you’re in a rural area.
One of my kids is trans, and we’re about to get a Con federal government, so we’re pretty worried for her. Who knows what care will be removed when Canada’s Trump Loving Party takes over (the Conservatives are looking like they’ll get a majority).
(For anyone who doesn’t know our parties, that’s the Federal Liberal Party (Centre/Centre-Left Wing), Conservative Party of Canada (Right Wing), New Democratic Party (Centre-Left/Left Wing), Bloc Québécois (far tougher to describe. They swing from Right to Left Wing.)
That sucks, dude. I haven’t been too up-to-date on Canadian politics (been too busy panicking over US politics) and was hoping at some point Canada might relax immigration requirements for people who’re POC, LGBTQ, etc; but maybe not…
I’m honestly scared that the LGBTQ community isn’t gonna “”“be a thing”“” in 30 or so years because it seems like LGBTQ rights are backsliding; not because being gay will go away, but because the Internet will allow for surveillance so invasive that there’ll be no chance for a community to exist.
Like, people outside the community don’t get it. Hell, some people inside the community don’t totally get it. The reaction I’ve gotten from people who’re cishet is “aw, it’s okay. I think you’re just overreacting. Trump really won’t be able to do as much as you think”. Hell, right now I’m dealing with parents who think hrt is an optional, cosmetic thing; not something I kinda need to not be a completely dysfunctional, self-loathing mess. They’re wanting me to move out (reasonable) before I start HRT (unreasonable). I feel like I’m in a catch-22 from hell.
I’m starting to understand why afrofuturism tends to feature heavily afro-centric worlds. Like, not just knowing why, but actually understanding why. When you have to rely on politicians who see you as just a pawn to be traded, you start to wish you had a country of your own. Why can’t we have the Gay Empire and the Confederation of Fur, Feathers and Scales next door or something? Just steal Western Sahara or something. Supposedly people can’t even agree on who actually owns it; but then that’d be colonialism, 'cause there’s nothing left on this planet that isn’t already owned.
*sigh*
You seem like a good dad, you’re accepting your daughter for who she is, so I probably don’t have to say this, but make sure your kids know and understand you love them and that they’re free to talk to you about whatever. Make sure you don’t just tell them, but that they understand they can come to you to talk about things.
Topics like sex were very much a taboo growing up, so I thought I was a disgusting pervert when I first became aware that something was different about me as a teenager. It led to me suppressing my feelings for about 20yrs; and when I finally came out a month or so ago, the dam broke and 20yrs of pent-up emotions came flooding out. I lost almost all of my friendships in a self-destructive spiral that lasted somewhere around a week because I couldn’t get my emotions under control and my parents wouldn’t step in and help.
Don’t let that happen to them. If you want them to understand that it’s okay to talk to you about that stuff, then you have to make sure they don’t think it’s taboo to talk about. That means you have to breach the taboo so they understand it’s okay. Maybe that’s making cringy jokes about a sex scene in a movie, or making a throwaway comment about how someone has a nice butt (yanno, and then you get the cliche “play slap” from your SO). Maybe smoke a joint every now and then, or let your kids occasionally have a sip or two of something alcoholic on special occasions. Dunno if your kids are old enough for that, just some things that woulda helped signal to me that my parents were open to talking about those kinds of things. It would have potentially saved me 20yrs of grief and festering misery.
From Texas, to Canada: I hope y’all manage to stay safe.
P.S…
Girl, that is absolutely bullshit
Thanks for this. I don’t mind people calling me “dude” or “man” in a gender-neutral way (like, “hey dude, what’s up?”); I do it a lot myself. However, it feels good when something thinks to swap the genders. Can’t be on hrt right now, so I’ll kinda take any affirmation I can take, heh.
Girl, that is absolutely bullshit, I am so sorry to hear that. I have family in both Alberta and Saskatchewan (Canada’s blindly right-wing provinces) and it is brutal if you’re not white, male, and hetero. Even moreso if you’re visually not one of those things, and you’re in a rural area.
One of my kids is trans, and we’re about to get a Con federal government, so we’re pretty worried for her. Who knows what care will be removed when Canada’s Trump Loving Party takes over (the Conservatives are looking like they’ll get a majority).
(For anyone who doesn’t know our parties, that’s the Federal Liberal Party (Centre/Centre-Left Wing), Conservative Party of Canada (Right Wing), New Democratic Party (Centre-Left/Left Wing), Bloc Québécois (far tougher to describe. They swing from Right to Left Wing.)
That sucks, dude. I haven’t been too up-to-date on Canadian politics (been too busy panicking over US politics) and was hoping at some point Canada might relax immigration requirements for people who’re POC, LGBTQ, etc; but maybe not…
I’m honestly scared that the LGBTQ community isn’t gonna “”“be a thing”“” in 30 or so years because it seems like LGBTQ rights are backsliding; not because being gay will go away, but because the Internet will allow for surveillance so invasive that there’ll be no chance for a community to exist.
Like, people outside the community don’t get it. Hell, some people inside the community don’t totally get it. The reaction I’ve gotten from people who’re cishet is “aw, it’s okay. I think you’re just overreacting. Trump really won’t be able to do as much as you think”. Hell, right now I’m dealing with parents who think hrt is an optional, cosmetic thing; not something I kinda need to not be a completely dysfunctional, self-loathing mess. They’re wanting me to move out (reasonable) before I start HRT (unreasonable). I feel like I’m in a catch-22 from hell.
I’m starting to understand why afrofuturism tends to feature heavily afro-centric worlds. Like, not just knowing why, but actually understanding why. When you have to rely on politicians who see you as just a pawn to be traded, you start to wish you had a country of your own. Why can’t we have the Gay Empire and the Confederation of Fur, Feathers and Scales next door or something? Just steal Western Sahara or something. Supposedly people can’t even agree on who actually owns it; but then that’d be colonialism, 'cause there’s nothing left on this planet that isn’t already owned.
*sigh*
You seem like a good dad, you’re accepting your daughter for who she is, so I probably don’t have to say this, but make sure your kids know and understand you love them and that they’re free to talk to you about whatever. Make sure you don’t just tell them, but that they understand they can come to you to talk about things.
Topics like sex were very much a taboo growing up, so I thought I was a disgusting pervert when I first became aware that something was different about me as a teenager. It led to me suppressing my feelings for about 20yrs; and when I finally came out a month or so ago, the dam broke and 20yrs of pent-up emotions came flooding out. I lost almost all of my friendships in a self-destructive spiral that lasted somewhere around a week because I couldn’t get my emotions under control and my parents wouldn’t step in and help.
Don’t let that happen to them. If you want them to understand that it’s okay to talk to you about that stuff, then you have to make sure they don’t think it’s taboo to talk about. That means you have to breach the taboo so they understand it’s okay. Maybe that’s making cringy jokes about a sex scene in a movie, or making a throwaway comment about how someone has a nice butt (yanno, and then you get the cliche “play slap” from your SO). Maybe smoke a joint every now and then, or let your kids occasionally have a sip or two of something alcoholic on special occasions. Dunno if your kids are old enough for that, just some things that woulda helped signal to me that my parents were open to talking about those kinds of things. It would have potentially saved me 20yrs of grief and festering misery.
From Texas, to Canada: I hope y’all manage to stay safe.
P.S…
Thanks for this. I don’t mind people calling me “dude” or “man” in a gender-neutral way (like, “hey dude, what’s up?”); I do it a lot myself. However, it feels good when something thinks to swap the genders. Can’t be on hrt right now, so I’ll kinda take any affirmation I can take, heh.