Dad here, I have both been the guy, and been the parent and in a safe area where you have some control basic human trust can be enough. I always ask/offer, try not to be creepy.
I often start off, with something like "I can sympathize, I have two myself, would you like some help? I would say 50% of the time they say yes, and the rest its a combo of fear or embarrassment because they think needing help is shameful, which it is not, your community exists to help and thats how humans did it for 100k’s years until the 1950’s ruined everything.
Thanks for the comment. My wife and I have agreed to start having kids in a few months, and I’ve just had a lot of things swirling around in my head. I’m excited and anxious at the same time and what I would do in certain situations. But I love random moments where you can be helpful and not threatening. Due to the time period I grew up in, that post 1950s belief that you have was not trained into me.
For example, I’m a 36-year-old white guy. I got my wife (who is awesome) and my 3 dogs. There’s this one little girl that my dogs absolutely love, and she loves them too. There were small interactions with other kids around (I had to yell at the older kid because they threw shit at my door. If you need clarification on my logic, I’m happy to explain it), but she immediately locked on trying to figure my dogs out. I don’t her I had no problem during the summer if she came and helped me with the dogs in the morning and evening, I was going to pay her $10 each time she helped, but I needed to meet her parents and talk to them about it first
I didn’t hear from the kid for a while, and eventually, I unintenially bumped into her dad. Long story short, he told me to stay away from his daughter.
I was disappointed but also understood where he was coming from. However, I also believe it takes a village to raise a child, and I’m trying to consider which direction I feel I would go…
It could have been the delivery of the conversation, something like:
Hey <DAD>, <your partner> and i noticed your daughter loves our Dogs, since we work most days would you be comfortable with her helping out <your partner, and I> in the mornings or evenings? We are getting started on our family but our little helper will take a few years before we can put them to work.
Women are generally seen as less threatening, so having conversations where you drop your partners name and status in front of yours helps. Identifying yourself as a parent, or working to be a parent also can “soften” your male appearance. Finally, dont push, drop it and take no for an answer because some people are never going to be comfortable.
Also dont expect your words or message to be translated to adult, there have been times where our kids have said things that “they were told by an adult” and when we have called the school/daycare/friends parent, its often a misunderstanding where the kid has no idea what the context or specifics meant so they tried to convey their own version. So next time keep it short and sweet, and if possible immediate. “Are your parents around… Could I talk to your <DAD/MOM>… we need to get <DAD/MOM>s permission first”
A few things that have helped me in the past are being prepared. While my kids were in diapers or potty training I rolled everywhere with spare gear and I was quick to offer to other parents, especially at parks and public areas where people can be caught unprepared.
I had a situation in an airport where a Mom was overwhelmed trying to hold 1 kid, keep another in the stroller, and sign the doc’s to check her strollers and car seats. I was already in line, so I said “Im not going anywhere, can I help you with something or hold one of your kids?” She did an up and down check, realized I was in fact in line, and its an airport, so she handed me her baby and I stood where she could see me and rocked them while she finished what she had to do.
I would also suggest taking some child safety classes, I coach sports, and am a Den leader in our local Cub Scout Pack. Both programs required me to take classes regarding identifying child predators, unsafe situations, and child abuse and how to report them. Classes like these can help you see interactions from an outside risk perspective.
It’s imperative to get to know a kid’s parents and check with them before ever inviting a minor to interact with you in their absence, especially alone. Huge red flags.
A mother struggling in public might well accept your help—as long as you offer it to her. If you instead address the kid, that’s gonna be a no from most parents.
Dad here, I have both been the guy, and been the parent and in a safe area where you have some control basic human trust can be enough. I always ask/offer, try not to be creepy.
I often start off, with something like "I can sympathize, I have two myself, would you like some help? I would say 50% of the time they say yes, and the rest its a combo of fear or embarrassment because they think needing help is shameful, which it is not, your community exists to help and thats how humans did it for 100k’s years until the 1950’s ruined everything.
Thanks for the comment. My wife and I have agreed to start having kids in a few months, and I’ve just had a lot of things swirling around in my head. I’m excited and anxious at the same time and what I would do in certain situations. But I love random moments where you can be helpful and not threatening. Due to the time period I grew up in, that post 1950s belief that you have was not trained into me.
For example, I’m a 36-year-old white guy. I got my wife (who is awesome) and my 3 dogs. There’s this one little girl that my dogs absolutely love, and she loves them too. There were small interactions with other kids around (I had to yell at the older kid because they threw shit at my door. If you need clarification on my logic, I’m happy to explain it), but she immediately locked on trying to figure my dogs out. I don’t her I had no problem during the summer if she came and helped me with the dogs in the morning and evening, I was going to pay her $10 each time she helped, but I needed to meet her parents and talk to them about it first
I didn’t hear from the kid for a while, and eventually, I unintenially bumped into her dad. Long story short, he told me to stay away from his daughter.
I was disappointed but also understood where he was coming from. However, I also believe it takes a village to raise a child, and I’m trying to consider which direction I feel I would go…
It could have been the delivery of the conversation, something like:
Hey <DAD>, <your partner> and i noticed your daughter loves our Dogs, since we work most days would you be comfortable with her helping out <your partner, and I> in the mornings or evenings? We are getting started on our family but our little helper will take a few years before we can put them to work.
Women are generally seen as less threatening, so having conversations where you drop your partners name and status in front of yours helps. Identifying yourself as a parent, or working to be a parent also can “soften” your male appearance. Finally, dont push, drop it and take no for an answer because some people are never going to be comfortable.
Also dont expect your words or message to be translated to adult, there have been times where our kids have said things that “they were told by an adult” and when we have called the school/daycare/friends parent, its often a misunderstanding where the kid has no idea what the context or specifics meant so they tried to convey their own version. So next time keep it short and sweet, and if possible immediate. “Are your parents around… Could I talk to your <DAD/MOM>… we need to get <DAD/MOM>s permission first”
A few things that have helped me in the past are being prepared. While my kids were in diapers or potty training I rolled everywhere with spare gear and I was quick to offer to other parents, especially at parks and public areas where people can be caught unprepared.
I had a situation in an airport where a Mom was overwhelmed trying to hold 1 kid, keep another in the stroller, and sign the doc’s to check her strollers and car seats. I was already in line, so I said “Im not going anywhere, can I help you with something or hold one of your kids?” She did an up and down check, realized I was in fact in line, and its an airport, so she handed me her baby and I stood where she could see me and rocked them while she finished what she had to do.
I would also suggest taking some child safety classes, I coach sports, and am a Den leader in our local Cub Scout Pack. Both programs required me to take classes regarding identifying child predators, unsafe situations, and child abuse and how to report them. Classes like these can help you see interactions from an outside risk perspective.
I wasn’t asking for advertisement, but thanks haha
It’s imperative to get to know a kid’s parents and check with them before ever inviting a minor to interact with you in their absence, especially alone. Huge red flags.
A mother struggling in public might well accept your help—as long as you offer it to her. If you instead address the kid, that’s gonna be a no from most parents.
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