I’m a dude, but I frequently browse BadWomansAnatomy. I was having a (calm, respectful) debate with a few users regarding how a lot of people that have “transitioned” still bear hallmarks of their former gender (I mentioned one of my long time friends who has gone from MTF and still looks the same. Kaitlin and Elliot are also good examples). The ban was because I dared to use the “dead names” of Elliot Page and Kaitlin Jenner! Oh the horror! 😱
I went to post in /r/rant how I just thought it was ridiculous and it was autoremoved because I mentioned the world “mod” in the title and I mentioned a specific community 🤣
There’s a huge difference between referring to a third party as their “dead name” and calling someone their dead name" to their face. I would never refer to my friend Sarah as Andrew, but people are getting pissed that I referred to a celebrity who won’t ever see it. It’s like I referred to John Wayne as Marion Morrison (his real name) and people call for lynching me in the street.
There is a massive difference between a stage/screen name and the name a person chooses for transition.
The fact that you don’t realize that is why you ended up banned.
The fact that you’re still trying to make them the same same thing is why you’re an asshole.
See, it’s about the way you think and act. The choice of ignoring a person’s name points right towards a disrespect of the fact of the person’s transition.
Now, mistakes happen. I’ve dead named friends during the early stages of transition, it takes time to train the brain to new names. But, and this is the important part I recognize the mistake, fix it and work harder.
Even with a stranger like an a actor, respecting a name chosen for transition shows respect for the person, and for trans people in general. Refusing to correct a mistake is the same as refusing to use their correct name in the first place.
Nobody is calling for lynching you, though I am aware that was hyperbole, not literal. I’m not even saying you need your ass beat. I’m saying that the way you’re thinking as evidences by the things you’re saying in public is douchey. The behavior you related in the post is ban worthy, if not corrected.
Again, there is absolutely a difference between calling John Wayne Marion and calling Eliot Page Ellen. If you don’t understand the difference, that’s okay. I will be glad to try and help you understand that difference, no bullshit.
And there is some minor difference between dead naming a person to their face and doing it in private. But you didn’t do it in private. Again, if you don’t see the distinctions involved, I am willing to try and help you see it.
You fucked up. We all fuck up. It’s what we do after that really matters.
Sure, I did something “wrong” intentionally (with ZERO malice intended), I just think it’s ridiculous (and actually kinda funny) how angry people got over it. It’s not like I completely denied their “status” (or whatever) as the opposite gender. I included both names (referring to their former and current selves) because their former gender and current gender are two different identities, correct? You wouldn’t refer to Kaitlyn’s former self as Kaitlyn, would you? She was Bruce when she was a male, so how is that “wrong”? It was like I collectively punched everyone in the metaphorical balls just because they saw a name. It’s like we’re living in the Harry Potter universe and I said “Voldemort”.
I’m accepting of everyone, I was hanging out with a non-binary guy, a queer girl, and another guy, whom I believe was transgender last night for multiple hours. Yet, people read so far into stuff that they assume that you’re on the extreme opposite side of them all because I decided to use the former names of two celebrities when comparing how they looked as their former selves and their current selves.
It seems that (some) people that are members of the “other” (I’m sure I’ll get hate for that as well!) communities outside of Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual community are some the angriest people, I’ve seen it mentioned multiple times from people that are part of the LGB community that there is a rift between them and even they find it quite ridiculous. It’s like the people on the TQIA+ are on the extreme opposite side of the “anti” side, you fuck up and they want to crucify you and deem you as being hateful.
I was also only banned for a day because of that entire conversation, the permaban was because I said “As a guy I appreciate the change” when a woman said she switched from jeans to yoga pants as her daily wear (in a completely different post) 🤣 You can’t even make an “out of line” comment without enraging the powers that be apparently! Imagine being a woman and saying “as a woman, I appreciate the change” when a muscle bound guy said he switched from wearing loose T-shirts to tight t-shirts that show off his muscles. It’s fucking ridiculous.