We are normally good at masking bc its expected of us but I am so tired of it. I’m so tired of having to pretend like I’m someone I’m not.
Then when we mess up and let our guard down or make a mistake and accidentally show people we are ND, we get dogpiled or yelled at. It sucks especially bc we sometimes don’t understand social mores, so even when we are confident that we are acting the way NTs expect us to, we can end up wrong and still get yelled at.
It’s awful bc we are never gonna create a more equitable society if we can’t have these types of conversations with NTs. We have to show them that bring ND isn’t an insult, but that’s when we get yelled at or made fun of.
I can’t think of any well balanced person who would yell at someone who is neurodivergent for simply behaving in a way that is neurodivergent. Can you give an example of something like this happening? It could be very possible that you’ve just surrounded yourself with the wrong people, or you’ve inadvertently caused someone harm (really the only excusable reason to yell at someone).
Similar, but in a past job, I didn’t pick up on some cues, treated a coworker like how I treat everyone, and I got yelled at by them. They told me to respect the hierarchy and that I’m not his equal - I was training for a higher position at the time. I was later let go for other reasons they wouldn’t mention.
I basically listed a bunch of reasons I think Taylor Swift could be neurodivergent on the Swiftie discord server and got completely dogpiled, even tho I did it as tactfully as possible. It happens all the time tho like when I forget something or am not on the same wavelength as my NT wife and she gets frustrated with me for not understanding something.
You shouldn’t diagnose people you don’t know
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I’m sorry you had to experience that on discord. Unfortunately the internet has become a forum for everyone’s worst behavior. I think this might be a good metaphor or why masking is sort of pushed on neurodivergent individuals. Imagine the impossible task of uniformly cleaning up everyone’s behavior online. It’s probably one of the most persistent issues experienced online. Instead of changing everyone’s behavior, you change your own to avoid those types of uncomfortable situations. It’s the online version of real world masking. It’s unfortunate and really sucks and I wish it was different, but most humans are wired a certain way, and changing that wiring is equivalent to rewiring human nature, and if we could do that, the world would be a much different place.
As to the situation with your wife, I have this issue as a NT living with my NT wife and I don’t know a person alive who doesn’t. You’ll need to evaluate that situation alone because every relationship is different.
My dude, as an elder millennial living with ADHD, I feel like you diagnosing TSwift over there internet is pretty cringeworthy. When you say “… reasons I think Taylor Swift could be ND” you are basically diagnosing her which is weird. Period. Nothing to do with ADHD. Don’t go diagnosing people.
There are a couple of other things to say that just sound better. Think about 1) what you are trying to tell people and 2) why your perspective is interesting. It sounds like you are trying to talk about behaviors you see in Taylor that you identify with, and (2) you identify as neurodivergent (ADHD).
You can make the same post along those lines, and I think you would get a much better response.
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I don’t want you to feel like you’re being dogpiled, cause I don’t think anyone here is like, upset with you.
But Taylor Swift fans are like, the exact opposite kind of crowd for that type of message. You wanna find things you have in common with her, you go right ahead, no harm done at all. But Swifties react irrationally to anything they’d perceive as an attack on her. You just picked the wrong audience, is all.
Sorry if my response was unhelpful. My honest suggestion is to keep trying and eventually, hopefully, you’ll be able to find a group of people who appreciate who you are.
Thanks. I didn’t take it that way. I found the /r/ADHD discord and the people are much more accepting and said I didn’t do anything wrong and its the Swifties fault for taking it the wrong way.
It guess I can’t say anything that could possibly taken as an insult to Taylor Swift. Which somehow makes it suck even more bc I thought I found a place where I fit in (as a Swiftie myself) but I guess I was wrong.