I really only started following SNL early in her pregnancy with L. I did some back scrolling at that time but nothing much.
Today I went looking for a picture that demonstrated something and scrolled waaaay back and now I just feel sad. This woman’s whole life has been about her body size. (Curious- who lost weight first, her or her mom?) Anyway reading her posts during her thinnest era there is this subtle sadness about them. That same sadness has never changed. She made a post about mental health in her family and how she once felt proud to be the family member who didn’t have issues…and then she did. I mean I think no one escapes earth without mental health issues of some kind. It’s no different than physical health. Would anyone say “I’m proud that I’m the only one who has never had a flu”? (Tho I do know some people who brag about never having had covid-as tho it’s an STD or something 🙄)
No matter how for back or forward you scroll you find one focus and that is body size and body “quality”. No wonder she has become who she is now. You simply can’t focus on that so intensely for so long and not become really fucked up by it. Has there ever been any other focus? Art? Cooking? she rarely even talks about REAL food. Advocating for animals? Heaven forbid anything political. There’s nothing of a spiritual nature. Nothing about spending more time with each kid, or less time each week online…none that I found. Just words about body acceptance that she seems to be faking. She has always been happier in a very small body, even if her dysmorphia still existed. As time has gone on more and more health issues pop up, wax and wane, etc. and I think these are distractions for her.
I’m rambling. But she’s just really fucked up. She’s saying one thing and doing the opposite and a couple million women don’t see that they are being influenced subconsciously to actually hate themselves.
The end
Here’s the picture which is now irrelevant to my novella.
It is sad. It’s sad she doesn’t seem to get the same kind of ‘joy’ from anything other than the superficial. She always tells the story of weightloss saying she wasn’t happy at her lowest weight, says she was filtering herself even smaller, then realizes it was her marriage making her unhappy and overhauls her life. She’s chasing fame the entire time. She’s staging moments with the kids, she’s crafty, thrifty, yoga etc hoping to hit because, as she’s said herself, she’s always wanted to be on stage and SM is it. She probably doesn’t feel that different now than she did at her thinnest and still missing something but she can’t admit it. I think the missing piece of the puzzle is she’s missing any real depth. She doesn’t seem to care about anything of substance.
She’s always chasing the high she got from watching her followers grow as she lost the lbs. It’s the attention that fuels her and she really got a lot of attention during Covid and her follower count grew again like it did in the beginning. Her filtering got even more heavy-handed but she was preaching body acceptance. I remember her talking about being afraid of having another child because it meant gaining weight and that was one of those SNL vulnerable moments connecting with her followers and crowdsourcing to see if that move would help or hinder her image.
It is sad that she seems to have put all her self worth into how she looks and her follower count because that’s never going to bring a lasting happiness and the constant lies and covering up must be exhausting.